What to do if COVID 19 canceled or postponed your wedding

I normally don’t talk too much about current events here at Wedding Traditions and Meanings, but these times are anything but normal as our country fights to stay ahead of the COVID-19 spread. The CDC has officially recommended the cancelation of weddings in the United States for eight weeks (until mid-May) and that IS history.

Before I get into the steps to take if your wedding has been canceled, let me tell you a story about a close family member who was married almost two years ago. It was a May wedding held outdoors. A perfect day. Slightly overcast, a little bit of a breeze. The father walked the bride down the aisle to her beaming groom and the ceremony started. And the sun came out. The breeze died. The sun felt like we were baking in an oven and the bride started to sway. I knew she was going to faint. Three of us ran up there. A chair was placed under her before her lights went out. She came to within seconds. Dots of perspiration decorated her face like pearls warning that she was overheated…the dress to tight…something. They finished taking their vows sitting down. When things were done, they got in the car to go to where the reception was held, but the bride started throwing up. Turns out she had the flu. They missed their own reception. And a couple days later the groom had the bug. Honeymoon canceled.

Why do I tell this story? Well, that’s what it is. The couple has few pictures of the day, they missed their reception, and didn’t get their honeymoon. BUT they are happily married today. As we deal with this national emergency, we all face a new normal. Just like brides who married before their men went off to war, we do what must be done. With that said, here are a few steps to help you through this new normal as you try to deal with the fact that your wedding has been canceled.

Checklist for cancelling your wedding because of COVID-19

While this short checklist can help you take the steps needed to cancel or postpone your wedding due to COVID-19, it will require you to check the cancellation policies of the vendors and suppliers you have contracted with. Contacting them will help you decide if you need to cancel or you can postpone. That’s step one. If you decide to postpone, as you contact the various vendors ask them if it is possible for them to hold your deposit until things settle down and you can set a new date. If that isn’t going to work and you feel you have to cancel for now, these three steps can help you get it done.

1.  Check your contracts to know how to proceed. Most of the time deposits are non-refundable, but in the case of COVID-19 there is a measure of flexibility because the government is the one that has banned social gatherings including weddings. If you have wedding insurance call them right away. (The same with travel insurance regarding the cancellation of your honeymoon.)
2. Ask for help from a friend or family members you know will actually get the job done. Have them contact suppliers and guests for you. Sharing the load will help alleviate some of the stress and it can give other people something to do as they are sheltering in place. Email them the list of who needs to be contacted. Guests who are traveling should be contacted first so they can make their own cancellations. For the guest list, create a spreadsheet to help keep information organized in a way that makes sense to anyone who sees it. 
3.  Create an email address specifically for this task so all correspondence is in one account.

In the case of COVID-19, most suppliers will try to find a new date or give you a refund. Some have an 'Act of God' clause in their contracts which means no payment is required in the case of a fire, flooding or extreme weather. I’m guessing that COVID-19 will fall into this category.

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Adding a quaich ceremony to your wedding

Couples looking to add something vintage but unique to their wedding experience might want to consider adding a quaich ceremony to their plans. This involves a traditional Scottish two-handled cup known as a quaich (from the Scottish Gaelic cuach which means “cup”). While it is called a cup, I'd say it looks more like a shallow bowl with two handles. It is sometimes called the “cup of friendship” and often is referred to as the “love cup” but no matter what you call it, it brings a rich tradition to any wedding with a quaich ceremony. It can also be used at the reception for the couple to take their first toast together and it makes a lovely keepsake to be handed down to future generations.

History of the quaich cup

The meaning behind the traditional quaich cup is not a legendary love story like the German Bridal Cup. What history we do have is permeated with myth and conjecture. What we do know is that its original purpose was as a vessel to drink whiskey or brandy. Some say the invention of cup was inspired by the fact that Highlanders drank a dram from scallop shells before they had the quaich. Others date it back to the Celtic Druids who are said to have used them in their ceremonies. The fact is, no one really knows for sure. 

Another thing we do know is that the original cups were much simpler than what we have today. They were carved from a single block of wood and were commonly offered to a visitor with a welcoming drink.

Meaning of the quaich cup

Originally, the humble wooden quaich represented friendship. So offering the cup to welcome a visitor was kind of like a handshake presented by a clan chief or a crofter. But it was more than a handshake, because as the cup was passed from one man to another it required them to use both hands. That meant they couldn’t be holding a weapon. It was a symbol of trust between fellow drinkers.

It wasn’t until the 17^th century that goldsmiths started to craft quaich cups using precious metals. At this point, the shape of the cup was also adapted to be less clunky and daintier in order to suit the refined tastes of the upper classes of the Scottish Lowlands.

Quaich wedding ceremony

A simple quaich ceremony practiced at weddings taps into the use of the quaich as a symbolic gesture of welcome to the drinker. One possibility is to first have the groom's parents hand the cup to the bride. Then have the bride's parents hand it to the groom. As this is done, everyone takes a sip from the cup as a gesture of welcoming new members to the family. 

Some couples pass the quaich to the wedding party too as a symbol of everyone sharing in the happy couple's love and happiness. I suggest if you want to go that route, that you supply individual quaichs for each person to drink from. For a special touch, have them engraved with the date of the wedding and the couples’ names. 

There isn't an exact script to follow or a specific practice when it comes to the quaich ceremony. If you are looking for more inspiration, the Argyll and Butte Council offers a wealth of ideas. If you plan to add the quaich ceremony to your wedding because you have Scottish ancestral roots, you might want to pair it with the handfasting ceremony as another strong cultural element that offers layers of symbolism and special meaning.

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Photo credits: Apie / CC BY-SA, By Robin-wood - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

Is an heirloom ring right for you?

I’ve started collecting legacy stories from readers related to weddings, marriage and love, and it brought to mind heirloom rings. As I sit here writing this post, my mother’s wedding ring is on my finger. I always thought I’d pass it on to another, like when mom’s first great-grandchild was married, but so far, I haven’t found the person who wants it. If you have an heirloom ring available, you are fortunate, but if you come from a large family you may find yourself in competition for who gets the ring. Before I talk about whether or not an heirloom ring is right for you, let’s take a look at what it is along with the pros and cons of going with an heirloom engagement or wedding ring.

What is an heirloom ring?

An heirloom ring is an engagement or wedding ring passed on to another member of the family getting married or a ring with an interesting backstory that you bring into your family. Knowing the backstory, how the ring came into your family can make the wedding proposal even more special for people with close family ties or an interest in their families’ genealogies. 

The story of the ring is a way to keep family history alive for another generation. And when you wear an heirloom ring, your story is added to it. For instance, I only have mom’s wedding ring because her engagement ring was smashed when she was trying to move a refrigerator to clean under it. The ring saved her finger. They brought it to a jeweler who happened to lose it diamond and all (which I never believed) and she never got it back. When my father passed away, Mom gave the ring to me. It goes with my white gold set which I picked because I liked what Mom wore—white gold.

Benefits and drawbacks of an heirloom ring

One of the benefits of choosing an heirloom engagement ring or wedding ring is that they are unique. If you are a person who likes that one-of-a-kind sense of style, an heirloom ring offers that. Some vintage styles, like the halo engagement ring, are back in style, but not everyone likes the vintage look. If you’re partner isn’t keen on an heirloom ring because of its style, that can be an issue, but it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. If the family doesn’t mind, the ring can be broken up and made into a new ring or rings with the vintage elements included. However, don’t assume you can reset or modify the ring without talking with the family about it.

Another drawback occurs if more than one person wants the ring. Again, as I just mentioned, the ring can be broken up and made into a new ring or rings to satisfy everyone. The trick is to figure out who gets what part of the ring(s) for resetting purposes. BUT before you decide to do this, know that often the original setting has value that may be lost when/if you redesign. Instead of redesigning, you might want to set up a consultation with a jeweler to get ideas for modernizing the ring without redesigning the setting. Just saying, once you change it, you can’t go back.

What to do with an heirloom ring

Before I finish up here, let me say that if you are the one giving up the heirloom ring, you must realize that it no longer belongs to you. Let it go once it is on another’s finger. With that said, if you are the one who has received an heirloom ring you have several choices:

• Wear it. This is a great way honor the original owner of the ring.
• Put it away for a time
• Redesign it
• Share it with others by breaking it up

If the ring has no sentimental value to anyone in the family feel free to:

• Trade it for something else
• Sell it

If you inherited the ring you have the freedom to do what you want with it, but I suggest if other family members care about the ring that you take their feelings into consideration if you’re thinking of modifying it. If you do want to sell it, offer it to family members first.

In closing, let me talk to people who wish they had an heirloom ring and don’t. You can buy one you like. Learn it’s backstory and bring it into your family. It’s a great way to get the ring you want with a backstory all its own that can be added to your family history.

Photo credits:pxfuel, piqsels, pxfuel, pxfuel