3 little know facts about ancient Roman weddings

 

I often mention Ancient Rome in relation to the origins of wedding traditions still practiced today in Western cultures. This post takes a look at three practices embedded within those traditions that we no longer include in our own rituals. 

Engagement ring and what it symbolized

Today's tradition of wearing an engagement ring on the fourth finger of the left hand, can be traced back to the Ancient Romans. This finger was believed to have a vein that ran directly to the heart, the Vena Amoris, which means 'vein of love'. Belief in that vein of love brought with it the hope that wearing the ring would encourage love, but legally this piece of wedding jewelry represented that the woman was about to pass from the ownership of her father to her future husband. Therefore, only women wore engagement rings in ancient Rome.

 

Ancient Roman wedding belt and the knot of Hercules

Ancient Roman brides wore a special dress and a veil and even wove flowers in the hair. What made their wedding attire unique is the girdle or belt that they wore. This belt was an essential part of bridal etiquette. By tradition, it was tied by the bride's mother with the knot of Hercules on the morning of her wedding. It represented the bride's purity, and with Hercules being the guardian of married life this strong knot could only be untied by the bride’s new husband on the wedding night. This knot created by two intertwined ropes can be traced back to ancient Egypt where it was used as a healing amulet, but in ancient Greece and ancient Rome where Hercules was known for his strength, it was a strong knot incorporated into a protective girdle worn by brides. Roman lore suggests the knot symbolized the legendary fertility of Hercules and in some way is related to the legendary Girdle of Diana captured from the Amazon Queen Hippolyta.

 

Marriage a negotiated deal

In ancient Rome, the male head of the household (the Paterfamilias) was responsible for finding a good match for all the children in his family. Marriage had to be outside the family. They weren’t allowed to even marry third or fourth cousins. While this sounds like an arranged marriage, one difference is that both the bride and groom had to be consenting adults and they could only be married to one person at a time (there were no divorces). However, what ‘consenting adults’ means today is far different from what it meant back then. The minimum age for females to marry was 12 and boys had to be at least 14. Once a suitable person was found, both families entered negotiations to decide which family would provide for the couple. Once the agreement was made the woman brought a dowry to her new husband’s family.

Marriage was looked at as a contract and some suggest that the giving of engagement rings in ancient Rome may have been used to signal that a contract had been made between the couple and their families. So while many practice some parts of these traditions it is easy to see why other parts have been left along the path of history.

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Ring warming ceremony – an Irish tradition

For couples looking for ways to involve their guests in the wedding ceremony beyond things like responsive reading, the Irish ring warming ceremony is a meaningful ritual that involves everyone. This ceremony is also known as the ring blessing and is often performed instead of lighting the unity candle. It's a sweet way to involve family and loved ones as they add their own blessings, prayers and best wishes to the marriage.

How to incorporate ring warming ceremony into wedding

How you incorporate the ring warming into your wedding ceremony is up to you. Here are a few ideas.

Passing the rings

Traditionally, rings were passed from one guest to another. If you choose to go this route, the officiant can make an announcement at the beginning of the ceremony letting guests know the rings will be passed around and that each guest is invited to hold the ring and say a silent blessing or prayer for the marriage before passing the ring to the person beside them. This works best with smaller weddings as rings are handed to someone in the front row and told to pass them on until they make their way back to the front. To avoid the possibility of a dropped ring rolling along the floor beneath guests’ feet leading to a chaotic mass of people crawling around looking for the missing ring, rings are usually tied with a piece of ring warming ribbon, place in a ring warming ceremony box, or tied to the cushion carried by the ring bearer as they are passed around.

Rings are often tied with ring warming ribbon

Ring warming dish

Not everyone is comfortable with passing the rings around, especially in larger gatherings as this creates the feel of a lot of dead time. Instead of passing the rings, some couples choose to place them in an attractive ring warming dish near the entrance with a sign inviting guests to warm the ring with prayers, blessing and well wishes for the couple. This is also a good place to display the guest book and pen.

  

Ring warming dish

Ideas for ring warming ceremony songs

If you do decide to pass the rings, its nice to play meaningful music. Song choice can be instrumental or with lyrics. It can be contemporary like All You Need Is Love by the Beatles, a song with a folksy flare like Christina Perri’s, Thousand Years of Arms, or a Christian love song like The Prayer by Josh Groban and Charlotte Church. Song choice is a perfect opportunity for the couple to share their love for each other with their guests.

Ring warming box

How long does a ring warming ceremony take?

How long the ring warming ceremony takes will depend on whether or not you pass the rings around or have them in a dish at the entrance. If you pass them around, how long the ceremony will take will depend on how many guests you have and how long they take to pray over the rings. It is one of the things you’ll want to take into consideration, because even with music playing while the rings are passed, the couple will be standing up front. If it takes a long time, it can start to create that awkward feeling that you should be “doing” something. 

Irish wedding blessing

While the Irish wedding blessing isn’t part of the ring warming ceremony, it is certainly worth mentioning because the two pair to make a uniquely special wedding. While no one knows for sure where this blessing originated, some attribute it to Ireland’s St. Patrick and traditionally, it is said by the father of the bride to the groom during the ring exchange ceremony.

May the Road Rise Up To Meet You

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

the rain fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Some links in this post are affiliate links. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to amazon.com and affiliate sites.

Thanks so much for being part of our success.

 

Photo credits: peakpx, flickr, Amazon, Amazon