A closer look at the origins of the word wedding

The study of the origin of words and the way in which their meanings have changed throughout history is known as etymology. Since this blog takes a closer look at all things wedding and their origins, I thought it would be fun to look into the origins of the word wedding. What I found might surprise you, though if you read this blog regularly, then maybe not.

 

Etymology of the word wedding

The easiest way to learn the etymology of a word these days is to visit the online etymology dictionary. In the case of the word wedding, the dictionary started with the Old English weddung (n) "state of being wed; pledge, betrothal; action of marrying." That isn’t really any different than how we think of the word wedding today, or is it? Did those words mean something different in the past than they do today?

When you come to understand the Old English word used for the ceremony was bridelope (bridal run) it is a heads up that maybe things didn’t quite mean the same as we view them now. Turns out this term dates back to A.D. 950 (brydlopa). This custom involved a ‘run for the bride-door.’ This ancient tradition was both symbolic and actual. The bride was swept off on horseback to her husband’s home by him. At times this act involved a helper who later was known at the best man.

So, if we have the ceremony described as bridelope as described above, what did the word wedding mean? The Anglo-Saxon root word wedd (‘to gamble, wager’) first referred to livestock or other payment by the groom to the bride’s father, as a more civilized alternative to abduction. According to the etymology dictionary which differentiated the noun wed from the Old English verb weddian, “to pledge oneself, covenant to do something, vow; betroth, marry.” It moved on to the Old Norse veðja, and Danish vedde which means “to bet, wager." Interesting. The coming together of two people in marriage was considered a wager. I can see that. When we take our vows, we are betting the other person will keep their promise, or at least what we assumed the promise to mean. This carries us to the Old Frisian weddia which means "to promise." Without going more in depth, other meanings included "to pledge, to redeem a pledge."

 

20^th century meaning of wedding

For more insight, I referenced a book titled Wedding Customs then and Now published in 1919 to learn what people thought in more recent times yet still long ago. The second chapter of the book is titled “Buying Wives.” It opens with, “The etymology of the very name ‘wedding’ betrays the character of the second stage in the development of matrimony. The ‘wed’ was the money, horses, cattle, or ornaments given as security by the Saxon groom and held by trustees as a pledge and as a proof of the purchase of the bride from her father.”

When I hear the word pledge used in regard to marriage, what comes to mind these days is the engagement ring. It represents a promise to marry, but I’ve never thought of it as a purchasing mechanism. Back in 18^th century England, instead of just announcing engagements, the amount accompanying a bride was proudly published. Can you imagine? 

 

Marriage contracts

Before Shakespeare’s time, the parson or his clerk served like a town crier announcing from the church steps the amount given the bride and her father. Why? This act provided witnesses to the marriage contract. The amount paid was supposed to be around one-third of the husband’s property. These marriage contracts stipulated exact regulations for buying of wives. The future husband paid an amount referred to as a foster-lien. This money was given to the parents who fostered the bride through childhood, and these contracts were considered binding until death.

Not everyone held to the contract. Some parents reneged and fraud was not uncommon. Some fathers accepted multiple foster-liens from different men in the years before the marriage and then gave his daughter to someone else. Another form of fraud came in the form of what we could call false advertisement today, when a father boasted of his daughter’s attributes and qualities in exaggerated terms. 

Back in Saxon days, the king decreed the money be refunded in such cases. This caused problems of its own, so another custom was initiated to help curb the problem. They linked this new custom with a popular newlywed gift-giving tradition in which a husband gave his new wife a small gift the morning after the marriage. The new statue said the bride “could not be brought back after receiving such a token of contentment.” 

The Church got involved, too, and the clergy demanded fraudulent fathers who accepted more than one lien had to pay back four times the amount if he did not deliver the bride.

Did the bride have a say?

Think of the woman’s role in all this. According to Instruction to a Christian Woman by Louis Vives, “a decent girl should not think of expressing any wish as to what man should be her husband.” Most of the time, she was not consulted in the process. Many times, contracts were written up while the couples were still babies. At the other end of this spectrum, some marriages were postponed by relatives who didn’t want the marriage. At the extreme, is the example of the marriage of Robert Phillips, Esq., (brother of John Phillips, the poet), who was eighty when he married Miss Anna Bowdler, who was close to the same age. They had been engaged for sixty years!

I don’t know about you, but I am certainly happy to be living in this day in age in a country where I have a voice regarding my life and in a culture where the word wedding means a "marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations."

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Image credits:

Record dated Nov. 25, 1486, of financial arrangements between the Piccolomini and Bandinelli families of Siena regarding the future marriage between Bernardinus Piccolomini and Antonia Bandinelli. Bottom portion of manuscript cut off with loss of text.

 Painting by Joseph Wright of Derby: An Experiment on a Bird in the Air Pump, by Derby, J. W. o., National Gallery, London. (https://ndla.no/article/32348).

Wedding ring customs from the ancient world

Delving into the history of wedding rings leads to ancient cultures with rings crafted of similar materials but symbolizing different meanings. Where did the wedding ring custom get its start? Like many ancient customs it is not something agreed upon even by historians. In my research, I give that nod of the head toward the ancient Egyptians, but some suggest it goes back all the way to the Neanderthals.

 

Wedding ring customs through the centuries

Marriage existed throughout ancient cultures around the world. And from this tradition came the custom of wedding rings. The look of wedding rings has changed throughout the centuries. Earliest rings were crafted of leather, ivory or bone. While the materials used were similar among early cultures, it's interesting to note that what wedding rings represented differed from one culture to another.

 

Ancient Egyptian wedding rings

The origin of wedding rings isn’t one hundred percent certain, but based on archeological evidence dating back 3000 years, most historians agree that ancient Egypt was the first culture to exchange wedding rings. These rings were intricately crafted into beautiful jewelry from braided reeds and hemp and placed on the fourth finger as a symbol of the love. However, the ring exchange was not part of a public wedding ceremony but took place in private with rings presented as gifts. Historians have determined through hieroglyphics that the shape of the ring, the circle, symbolized eternal life and the opening in the center was thought to be a portal to a future between two newlyweds.

 

Ancient Roman wedding rings

Marriages in ancient Rome had to conform to Roman law and were categorized by social class. This included three different categories of weddings: Usus, Coemptio, and Confarreatio. For the lowest class, the word for marriage was Usus. Today, we can compare it to a common-law marriage. For the next class up, marriage was known as the Coemptio and involved purchasing the bride. In this case, not all historians agree on whether this was an actual purchase or a symbolic sale, but either way, the ring represented a purchase. However, neither of these marriages were considered legal.

 

The only authorized marriage in Ancient Rome was the Confarreatio, a privilege reserved for the elite upper class. These marriages were presided over and the groom presented his bride with a ring during the ceremony. The wedding ring tradition began with rings made of flint and bone. Later rings were crafted of copper, silver, and gold. Most Confarreatio rings were crafted of iron or gold with the iron ring worn in private and the gold ring worn in public. Even in these upper-class marriages, the rings were not considered symbols of love but rather symbols of possession—that the wife belonged to the husband. However, in the brides favor, it also meant that the married woman had a right to her husband’s possessions. 

 

Ancient Greek wedding rings

The first Ancient Greek wedding rings were also crafted of leather, ivory or bone, but when metal rings were introduced, a simple gold band was worn on the left hand as an engagement ring and was then moved to the right hand when married. Later gold rings inlaid with colorful gems, crystals, or glass became popular. These precious rings were often passed from one generation to the next becoming the first heirloom rings. 

Indian wedding rings

Historically, in Ancient India, according to Manu Smiriti, the laws of Manu or Manava Dharma Shastra, eight main forms of Hindu marriages existed in ancient India. I will create another post to explain that in detail at another time. In ancient India, gold was the most idolized form of jewelry. This love of gold jewelry even extended to dressing animals, like elephants, in intricate gem-studded pieces. It is thought that this love for jewelry stemmed from the culture’s belief in mystical qualities thought to protect the wearer from evil. Traditional Indian brides wore the wedding ring on the right hand because the left hand is considered unclean.

A couple of other things worth mentioning include the Nath, also commonly known as the nose stud or Indian bridal nose ring. Ancient Indian brides (and brides today) wore this bridal nose ring with a long chain of gold connected to the ear. This is not a wedding ring but is part of the bride’s ensemble. 

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Photo credits: pixnio.com

Wedding lasso ceremony

The wedding lasso tradition is thought to have started in seventh century Spain and is a tradition steeped in ancient Catholic faith. Today it is a popular choice for traditional Hispanic and Filipino weddings as a ceremony that provides a visual representation of two people becoming one in marriage. With that said, it is also incorporated in weddings of non-religious couples who choose this unity ritual for the symbolism it offers. Either way, those who choose the lasso ceremony, often do so to honor their heritage. 

What does the wedding lasso symbolize?

Lassoing symbolizes unity with a voluntary tethering that represents a binding love and commitment to each other in the eyes of friends, family, and God. For the lasso, you’ll need a ribbon, cord, rope or a large rosary. The tether of your choice maybe draped around the groom’s neck or shoulders, and then the bride’s (creating a figure eight) or it can be draped as a binding around the wrists like a handfasting ceremony. This is done while the wedding vows are exchanged followed by a short prayer for the couple as they stand or kneel.

Wedding lasso prayer

The prayer offered is quick:

O God, bless the marriage of [Groom name] and [Bride name], who come to you seeking your blessing.

Who drapes the lasso and when?

Traditionally, the Godparents of the bride and groom or wedding sponsors enjoy the role of draping the lasso over the groom and bride during the wedding. If Godparents or sponsors are not available, the officiant makes it part of their ceremonial duties. The groom is lassoed first and then the bride and the lasso is often secured with pins to keep it in place. Once the lasso is swathed across the couple it is worn until the end of the ceremony. When the ceremony is over, the lasso is removed by those who put it in place, and it is given to the bride as a keepsake of her standing as mistress to her husband’s heart and home.

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Image credits:

Amazon, Amazon

 

Is a Halloween wedding right for you?

"How about a Halloween wedding?"

"Halloween! What would that look like?"

Before you dismiss Halloween for your wedding, take in the bigger picture. 

Financially speaking, when it comes to planning a wedding, Halloween is a holiday with benefits. In general, the cheapest months to book wedding vendors are January, March, April and November because for the most part, wedding vendors are more available these months. The same holds true for Halloween. As a result, if you are a savvy planner, you can find discounts and sometimes special incentives to book a Halloween wedding. 

Halloween wedding decorations

Fall, Halloween, and Thanksgiving offer a plethora of options for decorating. If you don't have a wedding planner, check out places like Lings which offers pre-made free-standing floral arrangements designed for decorating the wedding archway, aisle, welcome entrance, table centerpieces, etc.  

You can save on decorating for your reception too. A plentiful array of inexpensive Halloween decorations offer a variety of color with a fall theme including squash, gourds, and pumpkins in a variety of colors like green, yellow, red, blue, white, teal, purple, pink and even black. Use candle lanterns for ambience, or add a splash of color with potted mums available in shades of orange, bronze, burgundy, or white and complimented with silk leaves, nuts, dried fall berries, or multicolored Flint corn to create attractive centerpieces. Stores like Hobby Lobby sell a variety of centerpiece selections at a reasonable price. 

Halloween a less busy holiday

When it comes to holiday weddings, events planned around Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s present busier schedules, and more expensive travel reservations, hotels, etc. Halloween does not pose that issue. Not only can you find better deals for venues, but if you plan a honeymoon following a Halloween wedding, you can often enjoy cheaper travel-related prices. For instance, if you want a beach wedding, the shoulder season in Florida, includes November making it a reasonable possibility.

  

Difference between Halloween wedding and Halloween theme

So far, what I’ve discussed is a wedding that takes place on or near Halloween. If you want, this can be a traditional wedding of your dreams that takes advantage of the benefits associated with the holiday. But now, let’s talk about a Halloween wedding theme. This can be as creative as your imagination allows, but if you are thinking of a church wedding, not every church is open to having a Halloween themed wedding if you dress up like the living dead. 

However, if you think it a quirky fun fit to have a costume wedding for the bride and groom, wedding party, and guests if they want to participate, then Halloween is a perfect fit.

You can even pull of an elegant classy look with the right dress in black. Add a splash of color to pull of a bold color scheme. And if someone wants to complain about the black dress, you can point to the history of the wedding dress and how traditionally women were married in their best black or dark colored dress.

 

Select the wedding venue to meet your needs

If you choose a different venue, like a large house, or an old house, or barn, you can capitalize on the freedom to choose a spooky theme with guests dressed in costume. However, one more thing to consider, if you invite older guests like a grandmother, make sure to prepare them. Historically, Halloween celebrates superstition, lost souls, and would be considered a dark celebration. This might offend some older conservative guests.

The bottom line is that if you are planning to get married, Halloween is a day that offers some positives. How or if you take advantage of them is up to you. If you decide to go for it, what a Halloween wedding would look like for you is up to you. It does offers a new avenue of possibilities. As you consider them, take a step back and think through your choices. One important question to answer is: Do you really want your wedding album to be filled with photos of you wearing skeleton makeup? If not, you can have a wedding that takes advantage of the savings and leave the costumes in the attic. The choice is yours. It’s your wedding! 

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