How the wedding shower originated

Like many wedding customs and traditions, the history of the wedding shower is steeped in etiquette, but the actual origin is unclear. The practice is said to be tied to dowry practices and origins in the Netherlands. The story surrounds a high-society Dutch woman who didn’t want to marry the rich farmer her father had chosen for her, but rather wanted to marry a poor miller instead. Her father rejected the idea and in an effort to force his daughter to marry the man he chose said he wouldn’t provide a dowry unless she married the farmer. The story goes on to tell how the villagers joined together to “shower” the woman with household items and other small gifts so she could marry the man of her choice. This particular account has a happy ending saying these actions touched the heart of the father and changed his mind. He decided to allow her to marry the man she loved.

Second possible origin of the wedding shower

According to a second account, the history of wedding showers in the United States isn’t quite so romantic. In this case, the practice of holding a wedding shower grew popular in the States in the late 1800s when women of high society celebrated bridal showers for the gossip, food, the opportunity to give gifts and to talk about the bride-to-be’s new upcoming role. During these shower parties, small gifts were placed inside a paper parasol in order to “shower” them over the bride-to-be.

 

Third possible origin of the wedding shower

A third story tells a more practical story about a young woman who couldn’t afford to buy her friend a wedding gift. She invited others to a party and told all to bring a small gift. In this way, she did what she could to give her bride-to-be friend a gift. And lastly, it is suggested the bridal shower originated in the United Sates as a more recent invention created to sell more gifts rather than the result of any tradition.

No matter the origin, today, the wedding shower has evolved into anything from a more modest affair to an extravagant themed party. In any case, the bride is “showered” with gifts. And while the practice of the bridal shower has evolved over time to include both the bride and the groom, much of the original wedding shower etiquette still surrounds this special occasion. Like many wedding traditions, learning the history behind the bridal shower can be used to create your own unique, modern way to celebrate this special occasion. 

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The history of wedding gifts

Today most couples have a gift registry to help friends and family choose a wedding gift they both need and want, but long ago guests didn't even bring gifts. It is thought that the idea of wedding gifts stemmed from the idea of a dowry which was the price paid to a bride's family.

Wedding gifts in Medieval times

In medieval times, a dowry usually included things like land, animals, money, and other forms of wealth. This was an ancient custom with the first recorded dowry noted in 3,000 B.C. This practice effectively "bought" the groom, which left girls without dowries with minimal chances of getting married. On the groom's side, his family provided a house for the couple to live in, and the groom himself would give his bride a valuable surprise gift following the wedding night as reimbursement for the loss of her virginity. A third gift was given to the priest who performed the ceremony and blessed the marriage.

Italian Wedding Chest

Renaissance wedding gifts

During the Renaissance ornate marriage chests marked the joining of the couple. These large chests were produced in pairs and usually held the bride's dowry. In the mid-fifteenth century, these chests were crafted to complement other furnishings in the couple's bedchamber, and they were sometimes paraded through the streets of Florence, Italy, in wedding processions. Gradually, these chests were used to hold all the bride's future linens and other household goods, which she would take to her groom's house. These marriage chests were the earliest form of what we today call a "hope chest."

Cedar Hope Chest

Leather key baskets

By the 1850s, especially in the American South, brides were gifted with a leather key basket which represented her new role as mistress of the house. These baskets were embossed with figures, and shapes like hearts and stars and were kept in Colonial homes. The baskets held keys to unlock doors, chests, and cupboards in the bride's new home. 

 

Leather Key Basket

When did family and friends start giving wedding gifts?

The custom of guests and family giving gifts to the newly married couple is rather recent, and started back around 1890. And with the giving of wedding gifts came folklore that influenced what to buy. For example, according to folklore, giving of knives was a poor gift choice because a knife signified a broken relationship. It was considered bad luck as a wedding gift. If knives were given, you could always pay the giver a penny and that way it became a purchase and not a gift.

As the rituals and customs surrounding marriage slowly evolved, so did wedding gifts. In 1924, Macy's offered the first wedding gift registry and other departments were quick to do the same. Brides picked out their china pattern, with gift registries in these early days including items like crystal, silver, and china as very common bridal gifts.

Today, it's not unusual for guests to buy something more personal rather than purchase something off the registry or to skip presents altogether and just give cash. With so many couples living together before marriage, items needed to set up a household like linens and flatware are no longer popular gifts, and some modern couples have even set up charity donations in lieu of gifts, or they just ask for cash.

 

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