In Western culture, we enjoy the freedom to marry someone we love. In many ancient cultures, the freedom to marry who you wanted or when you wanted was not an option. Such was the case in ancient Mesopotamia, where marriage was more a transaction than a relationship. There, the primary reason for marriage was to produce children. Children were such a significant factor that if a wife proved to be barren, it allowed the husband to take a second wife. (This did not permit him to divorce his first wife). And if the husband could not produce offspring, some sources mention "sacred prostitution" in which wives went to the temple to have sex with strangers to get pregnant.
The annual bride auction
Before we look at arranged marriages in ancient Mesopotamia, I have to mention the bride auction. This custom held throughout Mesopotamian villages once a year allowed fathers to put their daughters up for auction and sell them to the highest bidder.
Arranged marriages
Most often marriages were negotiated between families outside the bride auction. Yes, negotiated. Arranged marriages were commonplace in the ancient world, including Mesopotamia, Rome, and Greece. This custom is still traditionally practiced today in India, Korea, Japan, Pakistan, and Bangladesh.
In ancient Mesopotamia, the head of the family had one wife (during the Old Babylonian Period, the groom had to determine whether to have a second wife of lesser rank or a concubine).
Four components of ancient Mesopotamian marriage
Each of these steps had to be completed to make the marriage legal.
- The engagement/marriage contract: Think of this as the engagement ring with all the details spelled out and agreed upon.
- Bride
price payment: When an agreement was reached the ceremony of
Betrothal took place. It involved the future husband and his family members giving the bride-to-be
gifts and provisions like gold, silver, lead, or food for the wedding feast. He
then poured oil and perfume on her head. The bride-to-be often received additional
provisions from her husband in the form of property for use after his death.
This property remained hers even if the marriage ended in divorce. If the bride
died before her husband, this property remained the inalienable property of her
children.
- Marriage feast: Even the marriage feast was necessary to establish the legitimacy of the marriage.
- The
bride moved to her father-in-law’s house to consummate the marriage: The goal
of consummation was for the bride to get pregnant. If this didn’t happen, it
was grounds for the bride to be returned to her father. And if she was not
found to be a virgin, the marriage could be annulled.
Ancient Mesopotamian wedding
Before the actual wedding, the bride washed her body with soap and water, applied creams, perfumes and sweet smelling herbs to her body and lips, and applied eyeliner. She dressed in an expensive dress, and accessorized with gold and silver. It was nothing like the wedding ceremonies we practice today other than the father walking his daughter to the groom. If the bride and groom were free citizens, the husband veiled his bride in the presence of witnesses and declared 'she is my wife'.
After the wedding, they went to the groom's father's home to consummate the marriage.
After that, the husband and wife settled down to the routines of daily life. For the husband, this was usually his only marriage, as long as the wife lived and provided children. It was not uncommon, however, to have another spouse or even a concubine.
Undocumented marriage
Evidence shows that some ancient Mesopotamian men and women lived together without a marriage contract. In these circumstances, the couples were not considered officially married because King Hammurabi’s code laws stated that unwritten or undocumented marriage would not be acknowledged. For this reason, couples who chose this path were denied legal rights formally married couples enjoyed, but evidence shows that many of these couples married for love and companionship rather than a business transaction.
Photo credits: By Edwin Long, wikimedia, wikimedia