Betrothal ceremony tradition

For couples looking for a special way to celebrate their engagement, a betrothal ceremony offers a way to take it to a level different than most people practice these days. While there’s no specific established ritual for a betrothal ceremony, it is suggested by the church that it is a ceremony that should take place before the altar of God. Betrothal was a part of marriage in ancient Israel, and today the Catholic Church practices what they call the Solemn Rite of Betrothal. But today’s couples who want to make a deeper commitment during their engagement can learn from the past and create their own betrothal ceremony unique to them.

 

Betrothal was part of marriage in ancient Israel.

Betrothal as part of marriage in Ancient Israel

In ancient Israel, it was common practice for the father of the groom to pick his son’s bride. Often the father delegated this responsibility to a matchmaker called a shadkhan. Once this was accomplished a written marriage contract was written up. It included the provisions and conditions regarding the proposed marriage including the consent of the bride. In it:

• The groom promised to support his wife-to-be
• The bride disclosed the substance of her dowry and financial status

Once this agreement was reached, the bride’s price was paid by the groom to the bride’s family. But in ancient Israel, this payment actually belonged to the bride and it changed her status from “single” or “available” to betrothed. This set her free from her parent’s household. But before the “formal” betrothal took place, both the bride-to-be and groom-to-be participated in a ritual immersion (separately). This was symbolic of spiritual cleansing. After this they came together beneath a canopy (Huppah) and publicly expressed their intention to be betrothed or engaged. Often a betrothal ring was given to the bride, but unlike today's engagement rings, the betrothal ring was too large to wear in most cases. 

At this point, the couple entered the formal betrothal period called kiddushim which means set apart because it was a time which the couple was to set aside to prepare to enter into marriage. Back then, betrothal lasted for one year and was so binding that a divorce was needed to dissolve the agreement. And while they were considered married, they were to abstain from sexual relations for that time and the groom's main responsibility was to prepare a place to live for his bride and their future family. This usually meant an addition to his family’s existing home but was suppose to be better than where the bride had lived previously. When the groom's father determined the new home was ready, the bride was called. So she had to be ready for the wedding day at any moment!

Betrothal Ceremony

 

The Catholic Betrothal Ceremony

 

Today, the Catholic betrothal ceremony is performed by a priest dressed in his vestments including a white stole. He has the couple appear before him at the altar along with two witnesses. He opens with the Antiphon: “To the Lord I will tender my promise in the presence of all His people.” During the Solemn Rite of Betrothal the priest asks the couple to join their right hands and then to repeat vows promising to one day take each other as husband and wife and to keep the faith. The priest then sprinkles the couple with holy water in the sign of the cross and blesses the engagement ring. The priest prays and the man places the ring on the index finger of the woman's left hand and says, “In the name of the Father…” Then he moves the ring to the middle finger as says, “and of the Son…” and moves the ring to the ring finger and finishes with “and of the Holy Ghost.” This is followed with more rituals and then before the couple leaves the church they sign a document, along with the witnesses stating that they are betrothed before Almighty God and before the Holy Church.

Pair of silver betrothal rings.

 

Create your own betrothal ceremony

If you want to have a betrothal ceremony but don't want to be quite so formal, you can gather together with your close friends and family and exchange betrothal vows of your own. Follow with light refreshments and enjoy the start of your betrothal period with those you love. 

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Photo credits: Wikimedia, Blessing of the Rings

Victorian keeper ring

Keeper rings, like many wedding traditions, are surrounded by a variety of legends. One of these dates back to Victorian era (1837-1901) when the keeper ring is said to have represented the idea that the receiver was worth “keeping.” It was considered a kind of pre-engagement or betrothal ring and was presented a year before the official engagement. While the Victorians gave the keeper ring a romantic symbolism of being “worth keeping,” the design itself was not new. In fact, the tradition of the keeper ring goes back several generations earlier.

 

Keeper rings origins

The Keeper ring first appeared in England in the 1760s–70s. They were originally wedding gifts from husbands to wives. The idea was that the ring would “keep” the more precious and elaborate engagement ring from slipping off the finger. This is where the name keeper comes from.

Keeper ring meaning

Whether you believe the ring goes back to the 1700s or that the Victorian keeper ring started this trend, the romantic “you’re a keeper” sentiment attached to the ring makes it a popular choice today as a unique wedding ring, engagement ring, eternity ring, and even an anniversary band. These keeper rings continued into the Edwardian era with styles that included elegant braided gold rings.

King George III era keeper ring

King George III Era Style Ring

Another story dates back to 1761 when King George the III gave his bride, Queen Charlotte, a wedding ring band encircled with diamonds. Diamond rings were a popular ring choice in the mid-eighteenth century, and a second ring – a keeper ring – was worn to protect the more valuable ring from accidentally sliding off the finger. These were also known as guard rings. These antique keeper rings came in a variety of styles from plain gold or enameled bands to diamond or gem-set bands similar to today’s eternity ring.

Modern guard rings are designed to enhance the ring they protect.

Over time, the diamond ring took on the role of a betrothal ring, and the keeper ring evolved into the wedding band. Today, a keeper ring is basically a band that’s worn alongside another ring, most often an engagement ring, to help protect it and keep it in place. While it started out as a symbolic gift centuries ago, it’s now just as popular for its practicality as for its meaning. Some people still see it as a promise or anniversary ring, but plenty also wear it simply as a stylish stacking band that adds a little extra sparkle.

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Photo credits: Joe Hardy, amazon

Wedding ring history

What do we know of the history of the wedding ring? For starts, that it isn't clear cut. Nor is the origin of the "finger ring" certain. However, it is speculated that wedding rings originated in ancient Egypt as the signet or seal evolved into a signet ring, a portable seal and display of authority. Later history shows that wealthy Egyptian women wore ornamental finger rings including the famous scarab design. Rings grew more common and complex during the middle kingdom. Over time Egyptian styles were supplanted by Greek and Roman rings during the Ptolemaic dynasty. But as for wedding rings themselves, let's take a brief journey on the history of wearing rings and what they meant to uncover where the tradition of wearing wedding rings started.

Byzantine Signet Ring

Origins of the ring finger concept

In looking at the history of wedding rings, let's start with the ring finger. Which finger is a wedding ring worn on and why? In the ancient writings of Pliny the Elder (23/4-79 CE) he said:

"It was the custom at first to wear rings on a single finger only – the one next to the little finger, and this we see to be the case in the statues of Numa and Servius Tullius. Later it became usual to put rings on the finger next to the thumb, even with statues of the gods; and more recently still it has been the fashion to wear them upon the little finger too. Among the Gauls and Britons the middle finger – it is said – is used for the purpose. At the present day, however, with us, this is the only finger that is excepted, for all the others are loaded with rings, smaller rings even being separately adapted for the smaller joints of the fingers."

In Rome, laws were passed to govern the wearing of finger rings. Pliny goes on to say that the Emperor Tiberius required that people who were not of free descent be required to own a large amount of property before they could have the right to wear gold finger rings. Later the Emperor Severus gave soldiers the right to wear gold rings, and then extended the right to all free citizens. Silver rings were worn by freed slaves, and in Imperial Rome, gold, silver, and iron finger rings were worn in accordance with social class.

When betrothal rings came into use, they were originally placed on the fourth finger because the ancient Greeks believed a vein in that finger led directly to the heart – the "vena amoris." Today we call this finger the ring finger.

Betrothal ring

Along with rings tying a person to their social class, the Romans were also the first to wear rings that tied them to their spouse. However, unlike today, the ring was not slipped onto the ring finger at the wedding ceremony. Instead, it happened at something more like an engagement ceremony called a Sponsalia. At this time, the groom slipped the iron ring (annulus pronubis) on the bride's finger as a pledge of fidelity and served more as a betrothal ring.

With the ring in place, the bride would say, "Nubo," meaning "I veil myself," which signified she was promised to a man. The ring was also a symbol to the bride's family of his commitment and his ability to support his bride financially.

Some suggest that the binding aspect of the ring for betrothal ceremonies came about from an older superstitious practice in which the man bound the woman he loved with cords around her waist, wrists, and ankles to be sure her spirit would be held under his control. This pagan superstition did not deter early Christians from adopting the use of the betrothal ring, though some Christians today question whether or not a Christian should wear a wedding ring for that reason and others.

For instance, in the book Christian Dress and Adornment by Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph. D., he suggests that even a plain wedding band could "fall in the category of the inappropriate ornaments of gold and pearls mentioned by Paul and Peter" (1 Tim. 2:10; 1 Pet. 3:3), and for these reasons question whether or not a Christian should wear a wedding (or any) ring.

Ancient Roman Wedding Ring

When did people start to wear wedding rings

The tradition of metal wedding bands also started in ancient Rome with brides being presented with two rings -- an iron ring to be worn around the house and a gold ring which was worn out in public. The tradition of men wearing wedding rings didn't really start until the World Wars when men wore them as a reminder of their wives back home.

 

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Photo credits: Wikimedia, Picryl.com, Picryl.com