A closer look at the origins of the word wedding

The study of the origin of words and the way in which their meanings have changed throughout history is known as etymology. Since this blog takes a closer look at all things wedding and their origins, I thought it would be fun to look into the origins of the word wedding. What I found might surprise you, though if you read this blog regularly, then maybe not.

 

Etymology of the word wedding

The easiest way to learn the etymology of a word these days is to visit the online etymology dictionary. In the case of the word wedding, the dictionary started with the Old English weddung (n) "state of being wed; pledge, betrothal; action of marrying." That isn’t really any different than how we think of the word wedding today, or is it? Did those words mean something different in the past than they do today?

When you come to understand the Old English word used for the ceremony was bridelope (bridal run) it is a heads up that maybe things didn’t quite mean the same as we view them now. Turns out this term dates back to A.D. 950 (brydlopa). This custom involved a ‘run for the bride-door.’ This ancient tradition was both symbolic and actual. The bride was swept off on horseback to her husband’s home by him. At times this act involved a helper who later was known at the best man.

So, if we have the ceremony described as bridelope as described above, what did the word wedding mean? The Anglo-Saxon root word wedd (‘to gamble, wager’) first referred to livestock or other payment by the groom to the bride’s father, as a more civilized alternative to abduction. According to the etymology dictionary which differentiated the noun wed from the Old English verb weddian, “to pledge oneself, covenant to do something, vow; betroth, marry.” It moved on to the Old Norse veðja, and Danish vedde which means “to bet, wager." Interesting. The coming together of two people in marriage was considered a wager. I can see that. When we take our vows, we are betting the other person will keep their promise, or at least what we assumed the promise to mean. This carries us to the Old Frisian weddia which means "to promise." Without going more in depth, other meanings included "to pledge, to redeem a pledge."

 

20^th century meaning of wedding

For more insight, I referenced a book titled Wedding Customs then and Now published in 1919 to learn what people thought in more recent times yet still long ago. The second chapter of the book is titled “Buying Wives.” It opens with, “The etymology of the very name ‘wedding’ betrays the character of the second stage in the development of matrimony. The ‘wed’ was the money, horses, cattle, or ornaments given as security by the Saxon groom and held by trustees as a pledge and as a proof of the purchase of the bride from her father.”

When I hear the word pledge used in regard to marriage, what comes to mind these days is the engagement ring. It represents a promise to marry, but I’ve never thought of it as a purchasing mechanism. Back in 18^th century England, instead of just announcing engagements, the amount accompanying a bride was proudly published. Can you imagine? 

 

Marriage contracts

Before Shakespeare’s time, the parson or his clerk served like a town crier announcing from the church steps the amount given the bride and her father. Why? This act provided witnesses to the marriage contract. The amount paid was supposed to be around one-third of the husband’s property. These marriage contracts stipulated exact regulations for buying of wives. The future husband paid an amount referred to as a foster-lien. This money was given to the parents who fostered the bride through childhood, and these contracts were considered binding until death.

Not everyone held to the contract. Some parents reneged and fraud was not uncommon. Some fathers accepted multiple foster-liens from different men in the years before the marriage and then gave his daughter to someone else. Another form of fraud came in the form of what we could call false advertisement today, when a father boasted of his daughter’s attributes and qualities in exaggerated terms. 

Back in Saxon days, the king decreed the money be refunded in such cases. This caused problems of its own, so another custom was initiated to help curb the problem. They linked this new custom with a popular newlywed gift-giving tradition in which a husband gave his new wife a small gift the morning after the marriage. The new statue said the bride “could not be brought back after receiving such a token of contentment.” 

The Church got involved, too, and the clergy demanded fraudulent fathers who accepted more than one lien had to pay back four times the amount if he did not deliver the bride.

Did the bride have a say?

Think of the woman’s role in all this. According to Instruction to a Christian Woman by Louis Vives, “a decent girl should not think of expressing any wish as to what man should be her husband.” Most of the time, she was not consulted in the process. Many times, contracts were written up while the couples were still babies. At the other end of this spectrum, some marriages were postponed by relatives who didn’t want the marriage. At the extreme, is the example of the marriage of Robert Phillips, Esq., (brother of John Phillips, the poet), who was eighty when he married Miss Anna Bowdler, who was close to the same age. They had been engaged for sixty years!

I don’t know about you, but I am certainly happy to be living in this day in age in a country where I have a voice regarding my life and in a culture where the word wedding means a "marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations."

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Image credits:

Record dated Nov. 25, 1486, of financial arrangements between the Piccolomini and Bandinelli families of Siena regarding the future marriage between Bernardinus Piccolomini and Antonia Bandinelli. Bottom portion of manuscript cut off with loss of text.

 Painting by Joseph Wright of Derby: An Experiment on a Bird in the Air Pump, by Derby, J. W. o., National Gallery, London. (https://ndla.no/article/32348).

History of Hera, the ironic goddess of marriage in Greek mythology

As we look at wedding traditions, I thought it would be fun to look at mythology for a change, and what better place to start than the iconic, Hera, goddess of marriage in Greek mythology. She is one of the twelve Olympians and within that mythos, she is the sister and wife of the god of the sky, Zeus. In art, she is often depicted with the animals she considered sacred, and is regularly portrayed wearing a high cylindrical crown and seated on a throne.

Hera, goddess of marriage

Within Greek mythology, Hera is the daughter of the Titans Cronus and Rhea, and she rules over Mount Olympus as queen of the gods. What exactly does the queen of the gods do? That role is multifaceted. It not only includes being the goddess of marriage, but also includes goddess of women, family, and childbirth. In these roles, she is considered the patroness and protectress of married women. It was believed that she presided over ancient Greek weddings and blessed marital unions.

 

How Hera and Zeus met

How Hera and Zeus met is a popular story within Greek mythology, but I want to offer the short version to shine a light on the irony of Hera’s role as goddess of marriage. If you know anything of the story of Zeus, you know his history as a lustful god who seemed infatuated with just about every good-looking woman he saw. In Hera’s case, he spotted her as she walked in the region of Hesperides, but decided not to approach her directly. Instead he changed into a wounded cuckoo bird near death. 

Hera took the bird home to restore it to health. Once in her home, she held the bird to her breast to warm it, and Zeus revealed his true identity and took advantage of her. I’m just saying, that if you fall in love with someone who pretends to be one thing and proves to be something else in a negative way, and he takes advantage of you, it is not a good idea to continue in that relationship. But, Zeus was the chief deity of the pantheon. I guess one might be enamored by titles like the god of the sky, protector of cities, home, strangers, guests, etc. After all, when you stand back and look at it, all his roles complemented Hera’s.

 

Hera’s wedding

Hera and Zeus enjoyed a lavish wedding with the ceremony performed in the Garden of Hesperides, the same place Zeus first saw Hera. Sacrifices were made in the couples’ honor, and the other gods sang hymns of praise for the newlyweds. Each god brough a gift. One of the most notable were the gifts given by Gaea, the goddess of the Earth. She gave the couple a quince (the Greek symbol of love), and she created a tree bearing golden apples for Hera which were protected by a great serpent called Ladon.

Hera’s honeymoon

Hera and Zeus’ honeymoon lasted for a three hundred years. The mythos says their honeymoon destination was the Greek island of Samos. Greeks often used this myth to talk about the Earth’s fertility, or the lasting power of marital love. But most people who know anything about the myth of Zeus and Hara know that he did not honor monogamous marriage.

Hera the vengeful wife

While the marriage saw some happy times, Hera didn’t forget how Zeus had taken advantage of her and she watched for a time when she could get even. She saw her opportunity when Zeus mistreated his fellow Olympians. When she saw they were fed up with her husband, she talked them into revolting, but the revolt failed. As punishment, Zeus tied Hera’s wrists with golden shackles with anvils shackled to her feet and then hung her from the heavens. She cried out in pain all night but none of the other gods dared to lift a finger to help her because they feared Zeus. The following day, Zeus showed her mercy and offered to let her go on one condition. She had to swear never to plot or rebel against him again. She kept that promise, but turned her wrath towards Zeus' mistresses and their illegitimate children.

Hera a jealous wife

Zeus’ numerous affairs and resulting illegitimate children led to a collection of stories which define her as a vengeful, jealous wife. Probably one of the most popular of these stories surrounds the birth of Zeus’ illegitimate son, Heracules. (Did you notice the first part of his name is Hera? This is the Greek spelling. The Romans spelled it Hercules.)

When Heracules’ mortal mother, Alcmene, went into labor, Zeus announced that the next child born in his lineage would become a great king. Hera stepped into her role as the goddess of childbirth and prolonged Alcmene’s labor to delay Heracules’ birth, and with the help of her daughter, Eileithyia, she caused a more distant descendant to prematurely give birth to a son, and he became the ruler of Mycenae. 

After Hercules was born, Hera sent two snakes to kill him in his crib, but even as an infant, Hercules had unusual strength and he strangled the snakes. Her shenanigans didn’t end there. As a young adult she cast a spell on Heracules that led him to kill his wife and children.

With this story, I ask, why was Hera considered the god of marriage or the god of childbirth?

 

Image credits: Steven Zucker, Mary Harrsch, pxfuel, picryl

Memorable unity wedding ceremony ideas

Unity. It’s something unique in today’s world and an important ingredient for a happy marriage. For couples planning to add a unity ceremony to their wedding, it presents a symbolic reminder of love and oneness within the marriage as the bride and groom embark on their new life together as one. And you don’t have to feel like your unity ceremony is a cookie-cutter type ceremony. First of all, each bride and groom are uniquely special. Plus, you have plenty of unity wedding ideas to work with to make the ceremony your own. 

Unity candle

Let’s start with the unity candle. This one is traditional with a capital “T”. Two individual taper candles, which sit on each side of the larger unity candle, are usually lit by the parents or mothers of the bride and groom at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. These signify the two individuals coming from two different families. When the time comes for the unity ceremony, the bride and groom each take those candles lit by their parents and use them to light the single candle. As the two flames become one, it represents their unity in marriage. If you don’t have parents or mothers to light the candles they can be lit before the wedding ceremony starts. It still represents the two flames becoming one.

Unity candles are available in sets both plain or decorative. If you like the idea of the unity candle but wish to make it a little different, you can always use a decorative indoor candle lantern for a special effect. Plus the lantern makes a nice keepsake. If you go this route, be sure to choose a lantern(s) that are open or are easy to open so you don’t find yourself fiddling with the lantern when you are trying to light it.

Handfasting

The handfasting wedding ceremony, while it presents a picture of unity, offers abundance of other symbolism that works well for couples looking for ideas for their unity ceremony. This ancient Celtic ritual involves binding the couple’s hands together with cords or ribbons to symbolize the joining of two lives. This was once considered a Wiccan or Pagan ceremony but is now considered mainstream and is often included in Christian and secular weddings. Handfasting most often accompanies the exchange of vows but can be performed while a meaningful poem is read or even the history of tying the knot. The ribbons or cords used in this ceremony offer another layer of symbolism with meanings for the different colors used. 

 

Wine blending ceremony

For couples who enjoy drinking wine together, a wine blending ceremony makes the perfect choice. The couple each choose a wine to create their own special blend. For the ceremony, they mingle to two in one cup and then drink from it. The drinking together from a single cup is said to represent the sharing all of life’s experiences, both bitter and sweet and it represents unity because once blended it is impossible to separate one wine from the other. If you want to actually drink from the cup at the same time, a German Bridal Cup can make that possible.

 

Unity sand ceremony

The sand ceremony is a meaningful unity wedding ceremony for couples as well as for a blended family scenario, because a sand ceremony is an easy and fun way to incorporate children. In my opinion, using colored sand creates a great visual. The premise for this ceremony is the sand blends as it is poured and it is just about impossible to separate. Besides using colored sand, some people choose sand gathered from favorite vacation spots or other locations that hold special meaning to the couple.

If you choose a decorative container to pour the sand into, it becomes a special wedding keepsake which can be displayed in your new home.

Thanks for reading. If you have other unity ceremony ideas you'd like to share, be sure to leave them in a comment.

 

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Photo credits: Flickr, Amazon, AnnaSwanSales, Flickr

Why people used to get married on Christmas Day

Today, the winter months of January, February and March hold the record as the least popular months to get married. Instead, most couples favor spring weddings, late summer weddings or getting married in early fall. However, at one time, Christmas Day was one of the most popular days to get married and it wasn’t because the couple wanted a holiday themed wedding. It was something much more practical. 

Brides most often wore their best dress

Why Christmas Day weddings were popular in the 1800s

Getting married on Christmas Day was a popular tradition among the working class in the 18th and 19th centuries in inner-city areas. In the 1800s, most working-class people were expected to work six days a week and if they missed a day, they didn’t get paid for it. For the most part, people couldn’t afford a day off without pay, and that included their wedding day. 

For these reasons, most weddings were held on Sundays back then and were small, simple affairs. The guest list, if there was one, was very short. The bride and groom wore their best outfits and following the short ceremony the handful of people attending celebrated by dancing and “making merry” either at their home or a local pub.

Many people were often stuck working on Christmas day (think of Bob Cratchit hoping his boss Ebenezer Scrooge would give him the day off in the Christmas Carol), but for the lucky couples who had the day off with pay, Christmas Day offered something special. First of all, the church was adorned with festive holiday decorations. Some churches even offered Christmas Day specials of free marriages on December 25. In fact, it wasn’t unusual to have group weddings because so many people took advantage of the offer.

It wasn’t until working conditions improved in the 20^th century that the tradition of Christmas weddings fell by the wayside.

Wedding celebrated by dancing and “making merry”

Downside of getting married on a holiday

While getting married on a holiday may seem like a good idea because you have time off work, in today's culture that means your anniversary always falls on that holiday and if you want to plan an anniversary getaway, you’ll always make reservations for accommodations and travel when holiday prices are higher . And you’ll even have to fight the crowds when trying to make reservations for your favorite restaurant. Just something to think about.

Photo credits: Wikipedia