Traditional wedding vows vs. writing your own wedding vows

Wedding vows are pledges spoken by the bride and groom to each other. These vows communicate both an intent and a promise as they enter into life together. When making wedding vows, traditionally the bride and groom face each other and the groom is the first to say his vows, followed by the bride. A newer, less-traditional practice is for the couple to say their vows in unison, but that leaves no room for uniqueness or individual vows. When considering traditional wedding vows vs. writing your own wedding vows some couples run into resistance, but that is happening less as more and more couples decide to write their own. After all, where did "traditional" vows come from? Somewhere in the past, someone had to write them, right?

The story behind traditional wedding vows

Various religions have their own traditional wedding vows but for the most part they are very similar. The Jewish, Hindus and Muslim religions don’t really have “vows” in the modern sense of the word. And most of the Eastern Orthodox Wedding Vows are made silently except in the Russian tradition. For the most part, though, people think that the “traditional” vows exchanged between brides and grooms today originated in the Book of Common Prayer which dates back to 1549, but they actually go back farther than that to a Sarum rite used in Medieval England. So really, it isn’t unrealistic to want to step away from vows written in the Middle Ages, and today, couples can find updated religious and non-religious wedding vows with a traditional flavor if they want something more modern but don't feel equipped to write their own vows.

How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Writing your own wedding vows

Writing your own wedding vows sounds like a good idea on the front end, and for creative writers it can be an exercise in drawing out the exact words hidden in their heart. But not everyone is gifted in that way and for some it takes quite a bit of extra effort. For those who find it difficult or who get stuck in the process, there are handy tools including the 5 steps to getting over your wedding vows writer’s block.

Here is a list of additional resources to help write your wedding vows:

Funny marriage vows: Injecting a little humor in your wedding vows is a great way to ease the tension for couples who find the formal vow-taking a bit nerve wracking. Shutterfly offers a funny marriage vows generator to help couples find ideas when trying to write wedding vows that are a little more lighthearted but still meaningful.

Marriage vows in the Bible: While the Bible doesn’t offer specific wedding vows, it considers marriage itself to be a vow. When writing your own wedding vows, Bible verses on marriage, love, and relationships offers poetic language that expresses what it means to be in love and to pledge yourself to your spouse for the rest of your life. Use these verses to help define your own vows.

• Marriage Bible verses
• Bible Verses About Love in Relationships
• Love Bible verses

Wedding vows template: Sometimes all you need is the guidance of a template or outline to help you find the write words when writing our own vows.

Once you written you've written your wedding vows, read them through again and again to become familiar with saying them. Read them out loud to see if there are any words that don't flow or cause you to verbally stumble. That way you'll be ready to express yourself and say exactly what you want to say on your big day.

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Photo credits: flickr

Betrothal ceremony tradition

For couples looking for a special way to celebrate their engagement, a betrothal ceremony offers a way to take it to a level different than most people practice these days. While there’s no specific established ritual for a betrothal ceremony, it is suggested by the church that it is a ceremony that should take place before the altar of God. Betrothal was a part of marriage in ancient Israel, and today the Catholic Church practices what they call the Solemn Rite of Betrothal. But today’s couples who want to make a deeper commitment during their engagement can learn from the past and create their own betrothal ceremony unique to them.

 

Betrothal was part of marriage in ancient Israel.

Betrothal as part of marriage in Ancient Israel

In ancient Israel, it was common practice for the father of the groom to pick his son’s bride. Often the father delegated this responsibility to a matchmaker called a shadkhan. Once this was accomplished a written marriage contract was written up. It included the provisions and conditions regarding the proposed marriage including the consent of the bride. In it:

• The groom promised to support his wife-to-be
• The bride disclosed the substance of her dowry and financial status

Once this agreement was reached, the bride’s price was paid by the groom to the bride’s family. But in ancient Israel, this payment actually belonged to the bride and it changed her status from “single” or “available” to betrothed. This set her free from her parent’s household. But before the “formal” betrothal took place, both the bride-to-be and groom-to-be participated in a ritual immersion (separately). This was symbolic of spiritual cleansing. After this they came together beneath a canopy (Huppah) and publicly expressed their intention to be betrothed or engaged. Often a betrothal ring was given to the bride, but unlike today's engagement rings, the betrothal ring was too large to wear in most cases. 

At this point, the couple entered the formal betrothal period called kiddushim which means set apart because it was a time which the couple was to set aside to prepare to enter into marriage. Back then, betrothal lasted for one year and was so binding that a divorce was needed to dissolve the agreement. And while they were considered married, they were to abstain from sexual relations for that time and the groom's main responsibility was to prepare a place to live for his bride and their future family. This usually meant an addition to his family’s existing home but was suppose to be better than where the bride had lived previously. When the groom's father determined the new home was ready, the bride was called. So she had to be ready for the wedding day at any moment!

Betrothal Ceremony

 

The Catholic Betrothal Ceremony

 

Today, the Catholic betrothal ceremony is performed by a priest dressed in his vestments including a white stole. He has the couple appear before him at the altar along with two witnesses. He opens with the Antiphon: “To the Lord I will tender my promise in the presence of all His people.” During the Solemn Rite of Betrothal the priest asks the couple to join their right hands and then to repeat vows promising to one day take each other as husband and wife and to keep the faith. The priest then sprinkles the couple with holy water in the sign of the cross and blesses the engagement ring. The priest prays and the man places the ring on the index finger of the woman's left hand and says, “In the name of the Father…” Then he moves the ring to the middle finger as says, “and of the Son…” and moves the ring to the ring finger and finishes with “and of the Holy Ghost.” This is followed with more rituals and then before the couple leaves the church they sign a document, along with the witnesses stating that they are betrothed before Almighty God and before the Holy Church.

Pair of silver betrothal rings.

 

Create your own betrothal ceremony

If you want to have a betrothal ceremony but don't want to be quite so formal, you can gather together with your close friends and family and exchange betrothal vows of your own. Follow with light refreshments and enjoy the start of your betrothal period with those you love. 

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Thanks so much for being part of our success.

 

Photo credits: Wikimedia, Blessing of the Rings

Betrothal Rings vs. Engagement Rings: History, Meaning, and Tradition

(Updated December 2025)

Many people think the terms betrothal ring and engagement ring are interchangeable, but historically, they carried distinct meanings. While both signified a commitment to marry, betrothal rings were part of a morally and legally binding contract, a practice that dates back to the early Catholic Church and other traditions.

Understanding these differences helps us appreciate how marriage, love, and ritual were intertwined across cultures.

Betrothal vs. Engagement: The Key Difference

Engagement: A modern promise to marry, often symbolic and informal.

Betrothal: Historically, a serious, legally recognized commitment, sometimes blessed with sacramental graces.

In the Catholic tradition, betrothal was considered morally binding, and breaking it could be appealed in a civil or diocesan court. Engagements, in contrast, were more flexible promises without the same legal or spiritual weight. 

Betrothal as a Marriage Contract

Betrothal wasn’t just a promise, it was the start of the marriage contract. Key elements included:

• Provision for the bride’s dowry
• Settlement guarantees in case of the husband’s early death
• Ritual sealing of the contract with hand-holding, a ring, and signatures
• Exchange of a kiss, symbolizing union and agreement

If the groom broke the contract without just cause, he was obligated to return any gifts or tokens received. Betrothals could be mutually dissolved or ended for serious offenses like infidelity, heresy, or apostasy.

 

This betrothal ring displays a Moorish castle with a hinged side that opens to reveal a small table and four chairs, symbolizing the couple's new home.

 

Catholic Betrothal Rituals and Spiritual Significance

During the betrothal ceremony, the engagement or betrothal ring was blessed, sometimes thought to be imbued with sacramental grace,  similar to holy water or a blessing. While not a sacrament like matrimony, this ritual imbued the union with spiritual significance, making the commitment deeper than a modern engagement.

Jewish Betrothal Rings: Symbolism and Craftsmanship

Betrothal rings were not limited to Catholics. In 16th–18th century South Germany, Jewish grooms often gave their future brides rings a year before marriage. These rings:

• Were ornamental and often too large to wear daily
• Featured miniature castles, temples, or palaces symbolizing the couple’s new home
• Contained inscriptions such as “Mazal Tov” (“Good Luck”)

Some rings were community-owned, while wealthier families passed them down as heirlooms. Over time, craftsmanship advanced with intricate filigree and enameling, though gemstones were rare for religious reasons.

Betrothal vs. Engagement: What We Keep Today

While modern engagement rings are largely symbolic, understanding betrothal reminds us that marriage used to involve spiritual, legal, and communal dimensions. Today:

Some Catholic couples still participate in betrothal ceremonies

Engagement rings honor the historical promise while allowing flexibility

The tradition emphasizes commitment, blessing, and union beyond romance alone.

The Legacy of Betrothal Rings

Betrothal rings illustrate how marriage was historically serious, binding, and sacred. While modern engagements often focus on romance, historical betrothals combined spiritual blessing, legal agreement, and family involvement.

 

 

Photo credits: Wikimedia, wikimedia, flickr