Traditional wedding vows vs. writing your own wedding vows

Wedding vows are pledges spoken by the bride and groom to each other. These vows communicate both an intent and a promise as they enter into life together. When making wedding vows, traditionally the bride and groom face each other and the groom is the first to say his vows, followed by the bride. A newer, less-traditional practice is for the couple to say their vows in unison, but that leaves no room for uniqueness or individual vows. When considering traditional wedding vows vs. writing your own wedding vows some couples run into resistance, but that is happening less as more and more couples decide to write their own. After all, where did "traditional" vows come from? Somewhere in the past, someone had to write them, right?

The story behind traditional wedding vows

Various religions have their own traditional wedding vows but for the most part they are very similar. The Jewish, Hindus and Muslim religions don’t really have “vows” in the modern sense of the word. And most of the Eastern Orthodox Wedding Vows are made silently except in the Russian tradition. For the most part, though, people think that the “traditional” vows exchanged between brides and grooms today originated in the Book of Common Prayer which dates back to 1549, but they actually go back farther than that to a Sarum rite used in Medieval England. So really, it isn’t unrealistic to want to step away from vows written in the Middle Ages, and today, couples can find updated religious and non-religious wedding vows with a traditional flavor if they want something more modern but don't feel equipped to write their own vows.

How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Writing your own wedding vows

Writing your own wedding vows sounds like a good idea on the front end, and for creative writers it can be an exercise in drawing out the exact words hidden in their heart. But not everyone is gifted in that way and for some it takes quite a bit of extra effort. For those who find it difficult or who get stuck in the process, there are handy tools including the 5 steps to getting over your wedding vows writer’s block.

Here is a list of additional resources to help write your wedding vows:

Funny marriage vows: Injecting a little humor in your wedding vows is a great way to ease the tension for couples who find the formal vow-taking a bit nerve wracking. Shutterfly offers a funny marriage vows generator to help couples find ideas when trying to write wedding vows that are a little more lighthearted but still meaningful.

Marriage vows in the Bible: While the Bible doesn’t offer specific wedding vows, it considers marriage itself to be a vow. When writing your own wedding vows, Bible verses on marriage, love, and relationships offers poetic language that expresses what it means to be in love and to pledge yourself to your spouse for the rest of your life. Use these verses to help define your own vows.

• Marriage Bible verses
• Bible Verses About Love in Relationships
• Love Bible verses

Wedding vows template: Sometimes all you need is the guidance of a template or outline to help you find the write words when writing our own vows.

Once you written you've written your wedding vows, read them through again and again to become familiar with saying them. Read them out loud to see if there are any words that don't flow or cause you to verbally stumble. That way you'll be ready to express yourself and say exactly what you want to say on your big day.

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Photo credits: flickr

Betrothal ceremony tradition

For couples looking for a special way to celebrate their engagement, a betrothal ceremony offers a way to take it to a level different than most people practice these days. While there’s no specific established ritual for a betrothal ceremony, it is suggested by the church that it is a ceremony that should take place before the altar of God. Betrothal was a part of marriage in ancient Israel, and today the Catholic Church practices what they call the Solemn Rite of Betrothal. But today’s couples who want to make a deeper commitment during their engagement can learn from the past and create their own betrothal ceremony unique to them.

 

Betrothal was part of marriage in ancient Israel.

Betrothal as part of marriage in Ancient Israel

In ancient Israel, it was common practice for the father of the groom to pick his son’s bride. Often the father delegated this responsibility to a matchmaker called a shadkhan. Once this was accomplished a written marriage contract was written up. It included the provisions and conditions regarding the proposed marriage including the consent of the bride. In it:

• The groom promised to support his wife-to-be
• The bride disclosed the substance of her dowry and financial status

Once this agreement was reached, the bride’s price was paid by the groom to the bride’s family. But in ancient Israel, this payment actually belonged to the bride and it changed her status from “single” or “available” to betrothed. This set her free from her parent’s household. But before the “formal” betrothal took place, both the bride-to-be and groom-to-be participated in a ritual immersion (separately). This was symbolic of spiritual cleansing. After this they came together beneath a canopy (Huppah) and publicly expressed their intention to be betrothed or engaged. Often a betrothal ring was given to the bride, but unlike today's engagement rings, the betrothal ring was too large to wear in most cases. 

At this point, the couple entered the formal betrothal period called kiddushim which means set apart because it was a time which the couple was to set aside to prepare to enter into marriage. Back then, betrothal lasted for one year and was so binding that a divorce was needed to dissolve the agreement. And while they were considered married, they were to abstain from sexual relations for that time and the groom's main responsibility was to prepare a place to live for his bride and their future family. This usually meant an addition to his family’s existing home but was suppose to be better than where the bride had lived previously. When the groom's father determined the new home was ready, the bride was called. So she had to be ready for the wedding day at any moment!

Betrothal Ceremony

 

The Catholic Betrothal Ceremony

 

Today, the Catholic betrothal ceremony is performed by a priest dressed in his vestments including a white stole. He has the couple appear before him at the altar along with two witnesses. He opens with the Antiphon: “To the Lord I will tender my promise in the presence of all His people.” During the Solemn Rite of Betrothal the priest asks the couple to join their right hands and then to repeat vows promising to one day take each other as husband and wife and to keep the faith. The priest then sprinkles the couple with holy water in the sign of the cross and blesses the engagement ring. The priest prays and the man places the ring on the index finger of the woman's left hand and says, “In the name of the Father…” Then he moves the ring to the middle finger as says, “and of the Son…” and moves the ring to the ring finger and finishes with “and of the Holy Ghost.” This is followed with more rituals and then before the couple leaves the church they sign a document, along with the witnesses stating that they are betrothed before Almighty God and before the Holy Church.

Pair of silver betrothal rings.

 

Create your own betrothal ceremony

If you want to have a betrothal ceremony but don't want to be quite so formal, you can gather together with your close friends and family and exchange betrothal vows of your own. Follow with light refreshments and enjoy the start of your betrothal period with those you love. 

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Thanks so much for being part of our success.

 

Photo credits: Wikimedia, Blessing of the Rings

Ring of betrothal: What it is and what it means

Many think the terms betrothal ring and engagement ring can be used interchangeably, but while they are connected, they don't always hold the exact same meaning. You see, historically, a betrothal is actually considered a morally binding contract and is a practice that goes way back to the early days of the Catholic Church. At the time such contracts were taken seriously and if one party broke it, the other could lodge a complaint to a civil court (or diocesan court) for breach of promise.

Betrothal rings were also engagement rings

Before we look at how betrothal rings and engagement rings differed, let me say that they both were a commitment to marry, but according to the Catholic custom betrothal came with many graces. It worked the way a sacrament does but it wasn’t actually considered a sacrament like matrimony. This imbuing of graces took place during the betrothal ritual when the engagement ring was thought to be transfigured by a blessing into a sacramental much like holy water or the sign of the cross. And while betrothal and engagements were both commitments to marry, betrothal was taken with a different level of seriousness because marriage was looked at as a contract that began with betrothal. And today those who take betrothal seriously can still participate in the betrothal ceremony.

Betrothal as a contract

Today we look at engagement as a promise to marry, but betrothal was considered to be more than just a promise. It was the beginning of the marriage contract. It included details like provision for the bride’s dowry and settlement in cash and property by the husband’s family to guarantee the woman would be taken care of if the husband happened to die first. To ratify the contract:

• The couple joined handsThe man gave his bride-to-be a ring to be worn on the right hand. (It was moved to the left hand at the wedding)The couple sealed the contract with a kiss and signatures.If the man broke the marriage contract without good cause, he had to return any tokens or gifts he had received from the agreement. But betrothals could be terminated if the two people mutually consented, or if one was guilty of something like infidelity, heresy, apostasy, etc.

This betrothal ring displays a Moorish castle with a hinged side that opens to reveal a small table and four chairs, symbolizing the couple's new home.

Jewish betrothal rings

Betrothal wasn’t limited to Catholics though. Betrothal rings were also popular in the Jewish community in South Germany in the sixteenth to the eighteenth centuries. In these cases, the fiancé often gave his future bride the betrothal ring one year before the marriage. These rings, unlike engagement rings today, were usually too large to actually wear. And instead of a precious gemstone, these rings were crafted to look like miniature castles, temples, or palaces. These architectural symbols were actually small “containers” which held an inscription which read Mazal Tov which means Good Luck in Hebrew.

These rings were quite extravagant, and some experts think that one ring might have been owned and used by an entire community. Though in wealthier families, they became heirlooms passed from one generation to the next. As craftsmanship advanced, the rings began to take on more intricate filigree and enameling, but even then, the rings did not bear gemstones. It is thought this was due to religious reasons.

While betrothal rings and engagement rings are both worn as a promise to marry, a betrothal ring historically laid out marriage contract terms which were agreed upon. Today, betrothal still holds a deeper level of commitment to marriage on a spiritual level and the betrothal ceremony is still offered in the Catholic Church.

 

Photo credits: Wikimedia, wikimedia, flickr