A look back at wedding reception origins

Sometimes terminology surrounding weddings can leave me scratching my head. That’s one of the reasons I write this blog. I like to hunt down wedding origins and traditions and their meanings. I like to know why we do what we do. For instance, why is a wedding toast called a toast? I’ve already answered that one in the History of the Wedding Toast. And why do we give away the bride? And why is the party following the wedding called a reception? 

My home wedding reception at my parents' home.

Why is a wedding reception called a reception?

That one, is actually a little easier to understand when you realize the word “reception” has more than one definition. If you think of it as “the act or process of receiving something sent, given, or inflicted then it doesn’t seem to fit,” BUT the second meaning is very fitting. “a formal social occasion held to welcome someone or to celebrate a particular event.” However, it turns out that both definitions fit when you look at the receiving line tradition at the reception where guests were greeted by the bride and groom, hosts and parents as they greeted every guest.

Origins of the wedding reception

I recently celebrated my 50^th wedding anniversary, and back when I got married, my middle-class parents hosted the wedding reception in their home. They moved all the furniture out of the living room and dining room and set up rented tables and chairs. We fried chicken, rolled luncheon meat platters, and some of my aunts brought dishes to share. It turns out that in our Western culture, that was the typical wedding reception celebration up until World War II. At that time wedding receptions were usually held in the bride’s home. The family’s financial status determined the style of the reception. A wealthy family might hold an elaborate ball, while a middle-class family might put on an afternoon luncheon and tea like my parents did.

But that goes back only to World War II. What about before that?

 19^th century wedding receptions

In the 19^th century, weddings typically took place early and the wedding reception was most often a breakfast held in the bride’s home. The bride and groom “received” the wedding guests who offered words of congratulation. Etiquette dictated that guests addressed the bride first unless they didn’t know her. In that case, the groom introduced the guests to his new bride after receiving their congratulations. And get this. Congratulations were NEVER offered to the bride because it implied, she was “lucky” to have a man propose to her! How uncouth!

For these breakfast receptions, most often only the bridal party were seated, mostly because homes didn’t have the room to seat everyone. In fact, only a fraction of the guests who attended the wedding were invited to the reception because the average house just couldn’t fit everybody. There was no music or entertainment, but cake was served (but not eaten at the reception). Back then wedding cake was usually a dark, rich fruitcake with white frosting and was cut and boxed and given to guests as they left the reception.

When the bride and groom left the reception breakfast, they were pelted with rice and shoes. Why shoes? Apparently, this was thought to bring good luck and fertility to the bride and groom, if they or their carriage was hit.

18^th Century Wedding Receptions

I didn’t find much information on 18^th century wedding receptions, but I did find info on history.org regarding Courtship and Marriage in Eighteenth Century Colonial Williamsburg which included a blurb about the wedding reception. It was called a wedding party, and held at the bride’s parents’ home. “…male guests would often race each other to the house where the winner received a bottle of alcohol.” And they did have decorations and “a table with white paper chains and lay out white foods for a collation. It included two white cakes. The guests consumed the groom’s cake, and sometimes left the bride’s cake untouched for the couple to save (in a tin of alcohol) to eat on each wedding anniversary. The party could last a few hours or several days.”

Vintage wedding ideas for the modern bride

• Plan your wedding reception at your parents’ home. If that isn’t possible, check with grandparents, and aunt and uncle, or even the parents of the groom. If none of these options are possible, you can always rent a vacation home to accommodate your wedding reception.
• If parents have a small home, plan a backyard wedding reception.
• Add the fun element of male guests racing each other to the house and award the winner with a bottle of alcohol or wine bearing your wedding label. 
• Consider an early wedding followed by a breakfast reception.

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Photo credits: Personal photo used with permission, wikimedia, peakpx, Wikimedia, pexels

Wedding etiquette to help with reception seating headache

Making a list of who is invited to the wedding and reception can be quite an event in itself as couples have to determine where to draw the line, but after that is done, figuring out wedding reception seating can be a feat in itself. In fact, I’d say it’s probably the least fun part of wedding planning as you try to figure out what combinations will work out best socially. Wedding etiquette, when it comes to reception seating, actually allows room for your preferences and will depend on the parameters of your venue size and the tables you have to work with. We’ll start with the traditional bridal table and then look at other options popular today.

 

Traditional bridal table

The bridal table, also known as the “top table” or “head table” is the table where the bride and groom are seated. Traditionally, the bride and groom are seated at the center of a long rectangular table with the bride on the groom’s right. The maid/matron of honor and best man are seated on either side of the bride and groom. This arrangement will depend on the seating pattern you desire. If you want a boy/girl pattern at the bridal table, seat the best man next to the bride and the maid of honor next to the groom. Otherwise, the bridesmaids are seated next to the bride and the groomsmen are seated next to the groom.

A bride and groom only table is known as a sweetheart table.

Bride and groom only table

If the reception is held in a smaller venue, or the bride and groom want to be the focal point of the reception, or it’s just become too much hassle deciding who gets to sit at the bridal table, a smaller table for just the bride and groom is another option. Traditionally the groom sits on the right of the bride. If you go this route, you have a couple of options of where to seat your wedding party. You can set up a table designated for the wedding party, or they can be seated with the rest of your guests at the table of honor or with other close friends.

A sweetheart table only seats the bride and groom.

Table of honor

The table of honor is situated near the bridal table. Here the parents of the bride and groom are seated along with the wedding officiant and grandparents.

Family table

What if you come from a close-knit family and you want your families at the bridal table? Believe it or not, this arrangement is considered “traditional” in Ireland. If you want to follow this etiquette, parents of the couples sit on either side of the bride and groom along with the maid of honor and best man. Parents of the groom next to the groom and parents of the bride beside the bride. Or they can be seated at the ends of the table or directly next to the couple. Siblings of the bride and groom fill in the remaining seats and all enjoy the meal as one big, happy family. (Hopefully.)

Seating for wedding guests

Now that we’ve covered the bridal table what about the seating for the rest of the guests? That will, again, depend on your venue as well as who you’ve invited. However, wedding etiquette dictates that the table closest to the bride and groom be reserved for the couple’s closest family and friends. 

Where are ring bearers and flower girls seated?

If the wedding party includes ring bearers and flower girls you have a variety of options. Not every child is the same so you will have to make your decision on where to seat them based on who they are.

• If you think they are mature enough to dine with adults who aren’t their parents they can be seated at the head table. 
• If they are younger, but their parents are in the wedding party, then they can still be seated at the bridal table.
• Younger children whose parents are seated at one of the other tables at the reception will probably be happiest seated with their parents.
• Set up a “children’s table” complete with activities just for them.

Seating at a wedding reception can be a sensitive issue. While there is no cut and dried rules to follow, tradition can help you make the tough decisions.

Photo credits: Photo by Craig Adderley from Pexels, needpix, piqsels, pikrepo, flickr

Meaning of colors for handfasting cords

The handfasting wedding ceremony is rich with symbolism and fluid enough for couples to make their own when incorporating it into their special day. Even the material used for the binding means something. Ribbons are delicate while cords are a symbol of strength, and for couples choosing to use multiple colors, each color brings with it another symbolic meaning adding yet another special layer to the vows being exchanged.

Meaning of colors for handfasting cords

Like I said, handfasting is a fluid ritual. It doesn’t have a hard and fast traditional practice to be followed. For instance, there isn’t a specific number of cords or ribbons to be used. And as far as the material that too is flexible, but avoid waxed cords because they aren't flexible. The ancient Romans didn't use cords or ribbons but fashioned their handfasting ties from magnolias, elder and roses.

Today, most couples choose colored ribbons or cords with each color holding a symbolic meaning. Some couples then braid the cords or ribbons together. 
 

Ribbons offer a wide variety of colors to choose from.

But as for the meanings, they too seem to be fluid, not in everyone’s mind, but in general, various meanings are afforded each color:

• Black: pure love, wisdom, success, strength
• Blue: fidelity, longevity, strength, safe journey
• Brown: Nurturing, home and hearth, healing
• Gold: wisdom, prosperity, longevity
• Gray: balance, neutrality
• Green: fertility and growth, love, luck, prosperity, nurturing
• Orange: kindness, encouragement, adaptability, attraction
• Pink: love, happiness, unity, romance, honor, truth
• Purple: spiritual strength, power, health, healing
• Red: passion, love, courage, strength, health, vigor
• Silver: protection, inspiration and vision, creativity
• White: purity, serenity, peace, truth, devotion
• Yellow: harmony, balance, attraction confidence

How long should handfasting cords be?

One more thing worth mentioning as long as we are talking about handfasting cords is their length. No matter what material you choose for your handfasting, plan to cut the ties to be about a yard long. A little shorter can work, but be careful not to make them too short so that you run out of cord during the handfasting as your taking your vows! And remember, when you braid, that will make them shorter.

If you don’t want to go with these meanings and rather choose colors that complement the theme of your wedding, you’re free to do that too. That’s the nice thing about this wedding tradition. It’s rich in meaning and symbolism on so many levels that it is easy to tweak and make it your own and yet still mean so much.

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Photo credits: wikimedia