Giving away the bride tradition and meaning

Giving away the bride is a tradition that has evolved over time. For some brides walking down the aisle with their father on their wedding day is a very special moment. One father I know pulled a picture of his daughter from his pocket and said, "This is how I remember you." The daughter's eyes brimmed with tears as she saw herself as a toddler wearing pigtails. The wedding march played, and the two of them walked the aisle together along an emotional thread only the two of them shared. So amid traditions, sometimes we create new traditions.

 

Giving the bride away tradition

Giving the bride away is an ancient tradition started back when arranged marriages were the norm. Back then:

• Daughters in that culture were considered their father's property 
• The father had the right to "give his daughter" to the groom 
• A price usually had to be paid to the bride's family before the man could marry their daughter
• Daughters were not allowed to get married without their father's permission

• Custom made music box gift for father of the bride.

Father giving away the bride tradition

Today, those who choose to "give the bride away" look at it as a practice that symbolizes the transfer of authority from the bride's father to her new husband, and it's not unusual for fathers to make a small speech as they relinquish their place of authority. However, these days, dads aren't the only ones to give the bride away. Now, some brides elect to have both parents, or in some cases their mother, child or some other family member walk them down the aisle.

Giving away the bride has evolved

The terminology used in wedding ceremonies today may still sound about the same, but the practice of giving away the bride has evolved to become a part of the wedding ceremony that lets parents of the bride and groom take part in the wedding ceremony in a way that signifies the parents' blessing on the marriage.

With all that said, the giving away of the bride tradition is not for every bride. Those who feel the practice is archaic, or who don't have a close relationship with their father or parents, shouldn't feel obligated to include the tradition. However, for those who like the idea, but whose father is deceased or unavailable, it is not uncommon to have another close family member walk the bride down the aisle.


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Ancient Mesopotamian wedding customs

In Western culture, we enjoy the freedom to marry someone we love. In many ancient cultures, the freedom to marry who you wanted or when you wanted was not an option. Such was the case in ancient Mesopotamia, where marriage was more a transaction than a relationship. There, the primary reason for marriage was to produce children. Children were such a significant factor that if a wife proved to be barren, it allowed the husband to take a second wife. (This did not permit him to divorce his first wife). And if the husband could not produce offspring, some sources mention "sacred prostitution" in which wives went to the temple to have sex with strangers to get pregnant.

The annual bride auction

Before we look at arranged marriages in ancient Mesopotamia, I have to mention the bride auction. This custom held throughout Mesopotamian villages once a year allowed fathers to put their daughters up for auction and sell them to the highest bidder.

 

Arranged marriages

Most often marriages were negotiated between families outside the bride auction. Yes, negotiated. Arranged marriages were commonplace in the ancient world, including Mesopotamia, Rome, and Greece. This custom is still traditionally practiced today in India, Korea, Japan, Pakistan, and Bangladesh. 

 

In ancient Mesopotamia, the head of the family had one wife (during the Old Babylonian Period, the groom had to determine whether to have a second wife of lesser rank or a concubine).

 

Four components of ancient Mesopotamian marriage

Each of these steps had to be completed to make the marriage legal.

1. The engagement/marriage contract: Think of this as the engagement ring with all the details spelled out and agreed upon.
2. Bride price payment: When an agreement was reached the ceremony of Betrothal took place. It involved the future husband and his family members giving the bride-to-be gifts and provisions like gold, silver, lead, or food for the wedding feast. He then poured oil and perfume on her head. The bride-to-be often received additional provisions from her husband in the form of property for use after his death. This property remained hers even if the marriage ended in divorce. If the bride died before her husband, this property remained the inalienable property of her children.
   
3. Marriage feast: Even the marriage feast was necessary to establish the legitimacy of the marriage.
4. The bride moved to her father-in-law’s house to consummate the marriage: The goal of consummation was for the bride to get pregnant. If this didn’t happen, it was grounds for the bride to be returned to her father. And if she was not found to be a virgin, the marriage could be annulled.
   

Ancient Mesopotamian wedding

Before the actual wedding, the bride washed her body with soap and water, applied creams, perfumes and sweet smelling herbs to her body and lips, and applied eyeliner. She dressed in an expensive dress, and accessorized with gold and silver. It was nothing like the wedding ceremonies we practice today other than the father walking his daughter to the groom. If the bride and groom were free citizens, the husband veiled his bride in the presence of witnesses and declared 'she is my wife'.

 

After the wedding, they went to the groom's father's home to consummate the marriage. 

 

After that, the husband and wife settled down to the routines of daily life. For the husband, this was usually his only marriage, as long as the wife lived and provided children. It was not uncommon, however, to have another spouse or even a concubine.

 

Undocumented marriage

Evidence shows that some ancient Mesopotamian men and women lived together without a marriage contract. In these circumstances, the couples were not considered officially married because King Hammurabi’s code laws stated that unwritten or undocumented marriage would not be acknowledged. For this reason, couples who chose this path were denied legal rights formally married couples enjoyed, but evidence shows that many of these couples married for love and companionship rather than a business transaction.

 

Photo credits: By Edwin Long, wikimedia, wikimedia