Historical roles of best man and bridesmaids

Most wedding traditions we know today stem from some rather unexpected origins. Take the wedding party, for example. A couple of centuries ago, the "best man" wasn’t responsible for planning bachelor parties, holding onto the ring, or giving a witty wedding toast. Instead, his role was far more serious. He served as armed backup for the groom, especially if the groom needed to kidnap his bride from disapproving parents. Even the term "best" didn’t mean best friend. It meant the groom’s strongest ally; the man best with a sword. 

Best man was chosen because he was "best" with a sword.

The Best Man: From kidnap to guard Duty

The tradition of the best man is thought to have originated among the Germanic Goths, at a time when men were expected to marry within their community. With too few eligible women to go around, bachelors often had to raid neighboring villages to claim a bride. The groom needed someone dependable at his side, and his “best” man was chosen for his fighting skills and loyalty.

Even the modern arrangement of the ceremony reflects this history—the bride stands to the groom’s left so his right hand is free to draw a weapon if necessary.

But the best man’s job didn’t end once the wedding vows were spoken. He stood guard beside the groom throughout the ceremony, and later, even kept watch outside the newlyweds’ chamber to protect them from angry relatives or to make sure the bride didn’t try to escape.

 

Bride kidnapping

The Bridesmaids: Decoys in Disguise

While the best man relied on strength, bridesmaids played their own protective role with clever disguise. In ancient times, bridesmaids dressed in gowns similar to the bride’s so that, as the group approached the church, evil spirits, jealous ex-lovers, or would-be kidnappers couldn’t easily single her out.

Bridesmaids wore dresses similar to the bride's.

Even the groomsmen joined in the protective strategy by wearing matching suits, creating a wall of confusion to deflect curses, stones, or attackers.

And as for the maid of honor? Her role was decidedly practical. She was expected to create and put up all the wedding decorations.

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Wedding traditions most practiced today

Every bride and groom wants their wedding day to be special and memorable. And many want it to stand out from the rest by doing something different or unique. But it gets harder and harder to find the new and different because word spreads fast. For instance, I remember the first time I had carrot wedding cake. What a delicious difference. That might have been twenty years ago. Now it is common place to have wedding cakes comprised of different flavors for each layer, or even wedding cupcakes. So the traditional wedding cake is gradually becoming an obsolete tradition. 

The Evolution and Meaning of Wedding Traditions

Some wedding traditions are so ingrained in culture that they often feel like rules rather than options. How you respond to that depends on whether you’re someone who prefers to honor tradition or someone who believes traditions are meant to be reimagined. Many are followed without an understanding of their origins, while others are embraced for the personal meanings and symbolism couples attach to them. With that in mind, this post explores some of the most commonly practiced wedding traditions today.

Father giving the bride away

According to a recent Easy Wedding poll most people still think the father of the bride should give the bride away. However, people aren't so sure about sticking him with the bill for the wedding anymore.

Night before the wedding spent apart

The UK's four-star Hallmark Hotels also polled people in the UK regarding wedding traditions and 54 percent of them believe couples should spend the night before the wedding apart. In the U.S. we are even more traditional with 74 percent of us following this tradition.

 

Something old, new, borrowed, and blue

This tradition of the bride wearing something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue is a tradition that originates from an Old English rhyme but is still widely practiced today. 

Adding these items to what the bride wears is among wedding traditions thought to bring good luck, but each item has its own meaning. The old represents continuity, the new signifies optimism, the borrowed item stands for happiness, and the blue symbolizes love, purity, and fidelity.

Throwing the Bouquet

Throwing the bridal bouquet is another popular tradition which stems from a time when other women tried to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers to steal some of her good luck for themselves. Back then, the bride tossed her flowers into the air in order to make her get away while the guests were distracted. Today, the belief tied to this practice has morphed into whoever catches it will be the next to be married.

In my next blog we'll take a look at new practices that are quickly becoming traditions in their own rite.

 

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Related article: Wedding Traditions Origins: Newer Wedding Trends and Traditions

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Ideas for a medieval wedding theme

Whether you’re a fantasy fan or a Middle Ages history buff, a medieval wedding theme offers a fun way to bring a special-to-you unique touch to your wedding. Of course, you’ll have to put aside the fact that most marriages in the middle ages were arranged and just use traditions linked to customs that work for today. The good news is there are plenty of them.

Medieval wedding traditions still practiced today

Medieval wedding traditions still practiced today include wedding vows (much of the same wording is still utilized today), the bride still stands on the left and groom on the right (a tradition tied to the history of the best man), the ring exchange and the fact that the ring is still placed on the fourth finger of the left hand – all these are basically the same as during the Middle Ages. And then there is the large feast and a time for music and dancing following the wedding ceremony.

This foundation of rituals gives brides and grooms plenty to work with, and if you’re a creative couple, the following medieval wedding practices can provide the artistic fodder needed to make your day original and special. Think medieval wedding decorations, a venue such as a castle wedding, dressing in period clothing, and coming up with a medieval menu for your feast.

Peasant weddings were often held in a barn or outdoors.

Medieval marriage facts

The first question to ask yourself is: Do you want a peasant marriage from the middle ages or something more like the marriage of a noble or even a royal? Here's what you need to know:

• Peasant marriage in the middle ages: Peasant women had the most freedom when it came to marriage because those of the lower class were free to marry for love though many took place more because of need. You see, because they were poor, peasants were often needed to help with family work. As a result, they often married later and the ceremony was simple and they held their feast in a barn or outdoors.
• Medieval royal wedding traditions: While royal weddings in the Middle Ages were filled with pomp they were most often political in nature and never amounted to more than that for the bride and groom.
• Noble marriage in the middle ages: Nobel marriages were for the most part more of a contract than a celebration as we think of a wedding today. Husbands and wife were often promised at birth and didn’t even know each other. Weddings could take place once the girl reached puberty and it was common for nobility to hold a wedding ball.

Medieval wedding decorations

In Medieval times, tapestries decorated the walls. A raised table would be located at one end of the hall to seat the lord and his family plus any distinguished guests. On the main floor, two tables seated the rest of the guests who were seated on stools on only one side of the table so they could see the lord. 

 

The medieval wedding feast

The medieval wedding feast included family and friends. The menu offered things like fruit, soup or stew, roasts, tarts and other pastries including pies. The meal often ended with cracker-like wafers, cheese, and candied fruits. The couple drank wine and were entertained with love songs and poems performed by minstrels. (Picture a DJ dressed as a minstrel.) The medieval wedding cake was nothing like what we have today, so if you want to do something medieval, you’d serve an unsweetened loaf of bread. And you might even crumble it over the head of the bride and let guests gather up crumbs for good luck. Here are a few other historical facts that could make things memorable:

• Forks hadn’t been invented yet, so no forks and guests were required to bring their own spoon and knife and stoup to drink from. These drinking vessels were commonly crafted of wood or clay.
• 3-7 courses would be served but back then each course could include a mix of appetizers, main courses or desserts.
• Guests were numbered in groups (called a “mess”) of 2-6 people who would “share” the food set before them.
• Between courses as the tables were cleared, guests were provided with entertainment. Think jugglers, musicians, court jester.

Medieval Celebrations: How to Plan Holidays, Weddings, and Feasts with Recipes, Customs and Costumes

Medieval wedding game

For fun, instead of clinking glasses, in medieval times guests stacked buns as high as they could in front of the newlyweds. Back then, the belief was that this brought prosperity IF the bride and groom could kiss each other while standing on opposite sides of the stack.

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Why Do Grooms Wear Boutonnieres? The History and Meaning Behind the Tradition

When you picture a groom on his wedding day, one classic detail often stands out. A small, elegant flower pinned to his lapel. This floral decoration, known as a boutonniere, might seem like just a pretty accessory, but it carries a rich history and meaningful symbolism that dates back centuries.

 

What Is a Boutonniere?

A boutonniere (pronounced boo-ton-yehr) is a small floral arrangement, typically worn on the left lapel of a suit or tuxedo. Traditionally, it’s worn by the groom, his groomsmen, and sometimes close family members or honored guests. Though modest in size, the boutonniere holds a big place in wedding traditions worldwide.

 

Serwalin Champagne Rose Corsage and Boutonniere Set

Ancient Origins: Flowers as Symbols of Protection and Love

Roots of the boutonniere tradition stretch as far back as ancient civilizations. Warriors and soldiers often adorned themselves with herbs, flowers, or sprigs believed to ward off evil spirits and protect them in battle. These floral tokens were seen as charms of good luck and courage.

 

Medieval Romance: Wearing the Lady’s Colors

By medieval times, the boutonniere took on a more romantic meaning. Knights would wear their beloved’s chosen flower or colors pinned to their armor or clothing before heading into battle. This act was a public display of devotion and a way to keep their love close, even amid conflict.

From Battlefields to Ballrooms: The Wedding Tradition Emerges

As warfare gave way to courtship and celebration, the boutonniere evolved into a decorative accessory for formal occasions, especially weddings. By the 19th and 20th centuries, wearing a boutonniere became a refined way for the groom to signify his special role and connection to the bride.

 

Modern Boutonnieres: Style, Symbolism, and Unity

Today, boutonnieres are carefully selected to complement the wedding’s color palette and floral arrangements. Often, the groom’s boutonniere echoes elements of the bride’s bouquet, symbolizing their unity and shared journey. Beyond tradition, it’s also a stylish detail that adds a touch of elegance and personality to the groom’s attire.

 

The next time you see a groom sporting a boutonniere, you’ll know there’s more to that little flower than meets the eye. It’s a living tradition—rooted in history, romance, and symbolism—that continues to bloom beautifully on weddings everywhere.

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Image credits: pickpik.com, picryl.com

Ideas for something old, new, borrowed and blue

Today many brides follow the tradition of wearing something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Every wonder why? It's a wedding tradition that comes from an Old English rhyme which originated in England in the late 19th century:

Something olde,

Something new,

Something borrowed,

Something blue,

A sixpence in your shoe.

The four objects commonly added to the bride’s wedding attire or what she carries with her on the big day are historically just good luck charms. Don't stress too much about them. You can easily accomplish this by keeping the items small and hanging them from the bridal bouquet. For instance, you can include an old photograph borrowed from a family member, tied with a blue ribbon and you’ll have old, new, borrowed, and blue all in the bouquet. Or for a really easy option, you can purchase a trinket that can be pinned or clicked into place.

Light Blue Simulated Pearl, Double Heart, Blue Crystal, and Six Pence Bridal Pin

Why do brides wear something old, new, borrowed and blue?

While this practice belongs to wedding traditions thought to bring good luck, it is only fair to point out that each of the items in the popular rhyme has its own meaning or blessing (and only one has anything to do with luck). 

Old represents continuity

New signifies optimism

Borrowed item stands for happiness

Blue symbolizes love, purity, and fidelity

Sixpence in your shoe is a wish for good fortune and prosperity (largely a British custom)

Most of the time the Maid of Honor is the one responsible for making sure the bride is equipped with these items, but it can be fun to include members of the family too.

Ideas for something old, new, borrowed and blue

Including family or other loved ones in this wedding tradition adds an element of sentiment that will become part of your own wedding lore. For instance, go to your mom or sister for something borrowed. And for something old, have dad pull out an old photo of the two of you or a baby picture of you from his wallet just before you walk down the aisle. And ask a brother or uncle or close male family friend to come up with something blue. In this way, it’s more like a wedding scavenger hunt and a great way to create a special memory unique to your wedding story.

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