Ancient Mesopotamian wedding customs

In Western culture, we enjoy the freedom to marry someone we love. In many ancient cultures, the freedom to marry who you wanted or when you wanted was not an option. Such was the case in ancient Mesopotamia, where marriage was more a transaction than a relationship. There, the primary reason for marriage was to produce children. Children were such a significant factor that if a wife proved to be barren, it allowed the husband to take a second wife. (This did not permit him to divorce his first wife). And if the husband could not produce offspring, some sources mention "sacred prostitution" in which wives went to the temple to have sex with strangers to get pregnant.

The annual bride auction

Before we look at arranged marriages in ancient Mesopotamia, I have to mention the bride auction. This custom held throughout Mesopotamian villages once a year allowed fathers to put their daughters up for auction and sell them to the highest bidder.

 

Arranged marriages

Most often marriages were negotiated between families outside the bride auction. Yes, negotiated. Arranged marriages were commonplace in the ancient world, including Mesopotamia, Rome, and Greece. This custom is still traditionally practiced today in India, Korea, Japan, Pakistan, and Bangladesh. 

 

In ancient Mesopotamia, the head of the family had one wife (during the Old Babylonian Period, the groom had to determine whether to have a second wife of lesser rank or a concubine).

 

Four components of ancient Mesopotamian marriage

Each of these steps had to be completed to make the marriage legal.

1. The engagement/marriage contract: Think of this as the engagement ring with all the details spelled out and agreed upon.
2. Bride price payment: When an agreement was reached the ceremony of Betrothal took place. It involved the future husband and his family members giving the bride-to-be gifts and provisions like gold, silver, lead, or food for the wedding feast. He then poured oil and perfume on her head. The bride-to-be often received additional provisions from her husband in the form of property for use after his death. This property remained hers even if the marriage ended in divorce. If the bride died before her husband, this property remained the inalienable property of her children.
   
3. Marriage feast: Even the marriage feast was necessary to establish the legitimacy of the marriage.
4. The bride moved to her father-in-law’s house to consummate the marriage: The goal of consummation was for the bride to get pregnant. If this didn’t happen, it was grounds for the bride to be returned to her father. And if she was not found to be a virgin, the marriage could be annulled.
   

Ancient Mesopotamian wedding

Before the actual wedding, the bride washed her body with soap and water, applied creams, perfumes and sweet smelling herbs to her body and lips, and applied eyeliner. She dressed in an expensive dress, and accessorized with gold and silver. It was nothing like the wedding ceremonies we practice today other than the father walking his daughter to the groom. If the bride and groom were free citizens, the husband veiled his bride in the presence of witnesses and declared 'she is my wife'.

 

After the wedding, they went to the groom's father's home to consummate the marriage. 

 

After that, the husband and wife settled down to the routines of daily life. For the husband, this was usually his only marriage, as long as the wife lived and provided children. It was not uncommon, however, to have another spouse or even a concubine.

 

Undocumented marriage

Evidence shows that some ancient Mesopotamian men and women lived together without a marriage contract. In these circumstances, the couples were not considered officially married because King Hammurabi’s code laws stated that unwritten or undocumented marriage would not be acknowledged. For this reason, couples who chose this path were denied legal rights formally married couples enjoyed, but evidence shows that many of these couples married for love and companionship rather than a business transaction.

 

Photo credits: By Edwin Long, wikimedia, wikimedia

Best gemstones for engagement rings

Diamonds are precious gemstones. I’ve known this since I was a child because it is my birthstone. I used to joke that I would get my birthstone ring when I got engaged. And that became my reality. I’d never really thought of another stone for an engagement ring because engagement rings were diamond rings. Or so I thought.

 

 

Popularity of the diamond engagement ring

Back in the early 1900s the British owned DeBeers Group opened diamond mines in Africa and diamonds became more accessible. But in the 1930s, the United States fell into economic hard times and the demand for diamond rings dropped. To boost sales, De Beers initiated a marketing campaign that used pictures of glamorous movie stars draped in diamonds. Within three years, diamond sales increased by 50 percent. 

It turns out that the popularity of diamond engagement rings can be traced back to De Beers when they launched the slogan, “A Diamond is Forever.” That was 1947. The diamond's durability (10 on the MOHS hardness scale) carried a message that marriage is forever, and its purity and sparkle became representations of the depth of commitment shared by engaged couples. The meaning associated with the diamond is that of purity, love and fidelity. 

Durability of gemstones

But what kind of engagement rings did we wear before diamond rings? Engagement rings can be traced back to Ancient Rome. The first rings were crafted from flint and bone, and then from copper, silver, and gold in the 2nd century CE. 

As for gemstones they've have been collected by rich and powerful people throughout time as a display of wealth. People in the Middle Ages commonly believed that gemstones held medicinal power that could heal and gemstone rings were used as an antidote for sickness, poisoning, or to ward off evil. Some of these old superstitions are still associated with the modern meanings connected to these rings.

Engagement rings get a lot of wear, and the durability factor of diamonds is one of the reasons they are a popular choice for rings. They are the hardest stone in the world on the MOHS Hardness scale. The most popular gemstone choices other than diamonds include sapphire, ruby, and emerald. Of these, Sapphire and Ruby are the hardest. Emeralds are only rated 7.5 to 8 and will require more care because they can chip or break easier. Other common gemstones for engagement rings include: Aquamarine, amethyst, morganite, opal, and tanzanite. However, many of these stones don’t wear well for people who plan to wear their rings every day.

If you are thinking of selecting a stone other than a diamond, I recommend you choose from gemstones with a rating of 8 or higher for daily wear.

 

Gemstones with MOHS scale number of 8 or higher

Ruby (9): Ruby is among the hardest of the precious stones which makes it a beautiful and wise choice for an engagement ring. These fiery colored gems make a stunning choice when set with diamonds. Most modern rubies are treated to increase their color, transparency, or to mend fractures. With this in mind, I want to point out that vintage ruby  jewelry is less likely to be treated, and may have visible imperfections. 

Ruby meaning: Rubies are thought to have a bold, fiery energy and are attributed with several spiritual properties including healing (mind and body), love, energy, passion, positive visions, vivacity and balance.

1 Carat Natural Diamond And Red Ruby Round Cut Bridal Engagement Ring

 

Sapphire (9): Of the sapphire’s alluring beauty and rich colors, the deep, vivid blue is the most desired traditionally, but sapphires are available in a range of colors, including: fuchsia, green, orange, violet, yellow, and an exceptional padparadscha hue (ancient Sanskrit word used to describe the color of a tropical lotus flower) which is a stunning blend of pink, tangerine and salmon shades. 

Sapphire meaning: heavenly favor, innocence and truth, strength, good health and vitality, and protection against negative energy and spiritual discord.

 

Diamond Sapphire White Gold Ring

Topaz (8 to 10): The most common color of Topaz is blue, but it is also available in colorless, pink, yellow, and peach hues. 

Topaz meaning: Nobility, love, passion, and purpose and because of its fiery energy, this gemstone is also associated with self-esteem and good fortune.

Spinel (8 to 10): Spinel owes its gorgeous color to chromium, much like rubies and emeralds do, and is available in a wide variety of colors: black, blue, brown, green, lavender, red, violet. Red is the rarest color and so more expensive. Blue is the second rarest. 

Spinel meaning: A stone of hope, revitalization, and joy of being alive.

Alexandrite (8.5): Alexandrite has excellent durability and doesn’t have the tendency to break when struck. When it comes to color, this stone is unique. Its ability to absorb different wavelengths of light in varied ways depending on the direction of incidence of the rays or their plane of polarization, often result in the appearance of different colors depending on the direction of view. For this reason, alexandrite is defined as a color change variety of gemstone that switches from one color appearance to another, depending on the particular type of lighting. Typically, alexandrite displays a blue-green hue in daylight, while it appears red in incandescent light. The rarest specimens of color-change alexandrite have either yellow green or plain green color.

Alexandrite meaning: Alexandrite is thought to bring luck, prosperity, intellect, and balance between the physical and the spiritual. As an engagement ring it can bring you into the balance of who you are.

14k White Gold Genuine Emerald Swirled Engagement Ring

 

Emerald (7.5 to 8): Emerald isn’t as tough as ruby, sapphire or topaz but it has fair to good durability. However, emeralds are brittle due to their inclusions and may chip or even break if knocked around. This means it requires more care in wearing than the harder gemstones, but with proper care an emerald will last for generations. 

Emerald meaning: The emerald symbolizes truth and love. In ancient Rome it was considered the gemstone of the goddess of love, Venus.

Aquamarine (7.5 to 8): Aquamarines are hard, but also brittle. They are a shade between green and blue which often display conchoidal fractures when broken or chipped. 

Aquamarine meaning: Aquamarine represents trusting and letting go. In ancient times, this gemstone was thought to be the treasure of mermaids and sailors used it as a talisman to bring good luck on the open waters.

Benefits of gemstone engagement rings

Gemstone engagement rings open the opportunity to let your personality and uniqueness shine along with your ring. Plus, it will cost you less than a diamond engagement ring. However, understand the risks associated with the gemstone of your choice so you know how to care for it.

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Photo credits: Image by starbright from Pixabay

Unique wedding kissing traditions and beliefs

Today, the wedding kiss is a traditional custom practiced in the West. Did you ever wonder where it started? I've heard a couple of different stories on this. One is that it goes back to the wedding taking place in the Catholic church. The priest would give the groom a holy "kiss of peace" and tell the groom to pass it on to the bride. This is where we get the commonly used phrase, "You may now kiss the bride." Others trace the custom back to ancient Rome, where the exchange of a kiss signified the completion of a contract. At that time and place, marriage was a negotiated deal. This is said to be where we get the phrase “sealed with a kiss.” Either way, it is a common tradition today, and I thought we’d look at some other unique wedding kissing traditions and beliefs that may surprise you.

The exchange of souls

While the symbolic wedding kiss may take on several different meanings for the people who practice it, this is one I hadn’t heard. Some Christians (not all) believe the wedding kiss symbolizes the exchange of souls between the bride and groom. This belief is based on the Scripture that says “the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31).

 

Swedish tradition “You may all kiss the bride”

The Swedish wedding kissing tradition involves all the guests and the bride and groom. If the groom leaves the room for any reason, say for instance to visit the men’s room, all the men attending the wedding can kiss the bride. The same is true if the bride leaves the room. All the women can step up and kiss the groom. An update on this tradition includes a bell. If the groom rings the bell, it’s an invitation for all the men to come up and kiss the bride. And if the bride rings the bell the invitation is extended to the women to come and kiss the groom. It can cause quite a ruckus when half of the wedding guests stand up and head toward the bride and groom.

Clinking glasses

The last wedding tradition I'll mention in this post deals with one of the most traditional ways guests get the bride and groom to kiss during the reception. The clinking on glasses. When this happened at my wedding, I had no idea that it is actually an ancient tradition. Back then, people thought the practice scared the devil away so the bride and groom were able to kiss while he was absent.

If you know of another wedding kissing custom please let us know in the comments. Thanks for reading.

Photo credits: pixabay, pxfuel